Mom in Law in hospice

[Ardbeg... innit]

Ann's Mom has been battling ovarian cancer for about 18 months now. She has been thorough the entire regime of available chemo treatments, and did a second round on Toxal. That last round of Toxal did nothing to improve her indicators and weakened her immune system to the point that she came down with shingles, and then 2 weeks ago a urinary tract infection that spread to her kidneys and caused a significant shutdown of them.

She had been accepted into a clinical study of an experimental treatment at the Arizona Mayo Clinic. She is no longer eligible for the clinical study, and doesnt want to go through what will probably be dialysis for the rest of her life in order to take chemo treatments that dont work. Last night she decided that enough was enough, and surprised us all by telling us she has decided to go into hospice.

Ann already had plans to go visit her for a week, leaving tomorrow and we booked our daughter on a flight to squeeze a visit in before school starts.

She is lucid and in full mental capacity, and no pain at this point, so we have to respect her and her courage to take on the ramifications of this decision. I know that a lot of people live for a long time on hospice, but the fact that her kidneys are significantly shutdown, it could be relatively quick.

She has always been a great Mom in Law and kind to me in every way from the first time we met.

[Merlot Joe]

Gordon our best wishes to you ,Ann, our daughter, and of course you Mother-In-Law. Every now and then life throws us a curve ball and we have to make the best play out of it.

Joe & Denice

PS. We lost my Mother-In-Law in 2001 and she was great to me in every way from day one, so I know how you feel.

[wareagle]

OMG, well I don't blame her one bit. God bless her soul. Gordon, our prayers go to her, you, your wife and the rest of your family.

My wife was a hospice volunteer after her Dad died of colon cancer and my Dad was in hospice once his cancer was in it's final stage. I've seen first hand that hospice is full of great people.

This was a personnel choice but after seeing what chemo and radiation did to our Dads, and it didn't save their lives, should either of us contract cancer we have opted to not go through the treatments unless it will save our lives. We have both opted for pain medicine and call hospice when it's time.

[viperess]

Aug 26, 2008 9:55:46 GMT -6 wareagle said:

OMG, well I don't blame her one bit. God bless her soul. Gordon, our prayers go to her, you, your wife and the rest of your family.

My wife was a hospice volunteer after her Dad died of colon cancer and my Dad was in hospice once his cancer was in it's final stage. I've seen first hand that hospice is full of great people.

This was a personnel choice but after seeing what chemo and radiation did to our Dads, and it didn't save their lives, should either of us contract cancer we have opted to not go through the treatments unless it will save our lives. We have both opted for pain medicine and call hospice when it's time.

I second this...
I'm so sorry to hear that time is so limited. I remember asking mom lots of questions about her family and lots of friendly chit chats...both to put a smile on her face and you never know what you'll learn.
Hospice has come a long way and I couldn't have been happier with how well they treated her...not just physically but mentally. Once they were there 24 hours, we stayed within a short distance from her.


I'll remember you and your family in my prayers. Stay strong but cry when you need to.....crying will keep you strong.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Thanks Joe, Steve, DD!

[Irish Stu]

So sorry to hear your news Gordon. Your family will all be in my thoughts.

Simon

[innit Geezer]

Gordon,

I'm hoping and praying for you and your family. Great courage your mother in law has, a strong person indeed.

all the best, Gary

[Ardbeg... innit]

Thanks Si, Gary!

[Christinko]

My mom was a hospice nurse for the two years she worked and strangely enough found such solace working with hospice patients (when you'd think it's the other way around).

Your mother-in-law must be one lovely lady; I wish your MIL peace and as many moments of joy as she can cram in. Glad to hear she's comfortable today. Sounds like everyone, including your MIL, is doing his/her best to find a path that works.

Many hugs to you, Gordon. And thanks for sharing with us your personal story.

All my best,
Chris

[nolaflacav]

We have used hospice services on 3 separate occasions in the past several years. All 3 were unique but all were very beneficial and met the needs we had as a family at the time perfectly. All of the hospice workers we interacted with were excellent and the atmosphere they created was much needed and appreciated.

When I think of hospice care I cannot help but remember Art Buchwald. He checked into hospice in February 2006 when his kidneys began to fail. He checked out of hospice 4 months later after he improved. And he went home to Martha's Vineyard where he lived for several more months. I heard him interviewed shortly after that where he was joking about being evicted from hospice for bad behavior. That has always convinced me that there is true power in laughter and humor.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family.

[jo]

God bless your mother in law, Gordon. She has obviously made the decision that is right for her and all you guys can do is stand behind her and be there for her, which I know you all will be.

Be there for your wife as well, as I'm sure she will need you more than ever in the next little while. My thoughs and prayers will be with all of you.

JO

[New Mama]

OH Gordon, my thoughts are also with you. Mom's are one of the limited number of people on earth that are not replaceable. Cherish her time and be happy for the good in her life and your fortune to be a part of it. While I don't know Ann please let her know that I will think of her too during this 'long goodbye'. hugs

[Chicago Jake]

Best wishes to all of you, Gordon......Jake

[Tex]

Sorry to hear about it Gordon.

[pixiedust]

Gordon,

I'm sorry to hear about your MIL. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Ann and your family at this time.

Hugs,

Colleen

[Ardbeg... innit]

Thanks again everyone.

I just got back from taking Ann to the airport. She has a meeting scheduled with a lawyer who specializes in 'elder law' late this afternoon. We have fears that MIL's quick decision to go hospice may have locked in some unfortunate legal ownership positions. She has made hasty decisions in the past that have cost her dearly financially speaking, hopefully it wont be bad this time, but that remains to be seen

[pixiedust]

So she was transferred already to hospice - that was quick? I don't know what sort of ramifications there are - my mom didn't own any property when she died - just a bank account that also had my name on it so it was pretty simple when she passed - the bank account became mine. I went with a power of attorney with me and my mom signed that too for health care and other reasons - she already had a living will (and I just asked her what she wanted at that point). I hope you get everything worked out ok and it's not too stressful for everyone involved.

Hugs,

Colleen

PS. If she is already in a nursing home or wants to stay at home the hospice will come to her - at least they did in Utah - we pay for this in our taxes under medicare I think so it should be free.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Colleen

She is staying at home, as of now. She never set up a living will, both most of her belongings are in joint ownership with Ann's sister. Hospice issue seems to be whether the visitation is sufficent to meet her needs. Ann's sister can take a month's leave without pay, and probably will do so. Ann and I will be picking up her lost pay for the month, if that is the case. It seems, at this point Ann and I will be shouldering a good bit of the financial burden for what Medicare does not cover.

They are going to sell her car, and she does have a life insurance policy with cash value that can be redeemed which will help out also.

[pixiedust]

I'm glad that she is at home, I think that is where she should be if she can be. It will hopefully make things easier for her and maybe for you (Ann and her sister) too. I thought the hospice people should be able to come and stay for a number of hours each day and give her pain meds, etc. I hope you find that Medicare covers most all of it - they should. My mom had a small trust from my great aunt's estate that was picking up the nursing home bills. (thank God she wasn't in this area - the price for nursing home is DOUBLE what it was in Brigham City, UT and her trust would have run out before she died and I really don't know what I would have done!) I would talk more to the hospice workers and see what more you can get covered expense wise. They should be able to give you some ideas. Maybe look into elder care in your local laws or even state laws to see what you/she qualifies for. You'd be surprised what you can find - I know there are a few websites that are online, if I can find my paperwork (I was looking into stuff for Randy's parents - I may have the links in my browser at work and will have to look there on Tuesday and post Tuesday night) I'll post the websites for you. Also, what about Meals on Wheels or anything like that for her (if she is still eating).

Hugs again.

Colleen

[edie2u]

God bless all of you, Ann, and the rest of your family. You will be in my prayers. Ovarian cancer (or any cancer for that matter) is such an insidious disease. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Just an update, Ann’s mom died this afternoon from the ovarian cancer shes been dealing with for so long. She had been in home hospice since August, and last Tuesday was transferred to a hospice center. We were told Monday that she had a matter of a few days. She became unresponsive this morning and died at about 2pm Arizona time. Ann had plans to go out on Saturday, anticipating that she would make it that long, but is now going out there tomorrow.

There will be a Memorial (time, date, place, unknown) but no funeral, and other than Ann, her sister, and Heather, no other family is expected to make the trip out there.

I don’t have any other information at this time. She missed giving us a real irony by 10 hours, Ann was born on Corrine’s birthday (Feb 3), has she lived another 10 hours, she would have died on my birthday.

G

[Hedo69]

Gordon,

So sorry. Our thoughts are with you. Hold your family close.

Hugs,

Deborah

[innit Geezer]

My condolences to you and your family Gordon. All the best to you at this time. I'm sorry.

[Chicago Jake]

We're here for you, Gordon. Deepest condolences to you and Ann and the whole family.

[Tex]

Sorry to hear it Gordon, maybe better than a few more months of pain. You had mentioned her a while back and her disease usually takes its course pretty quickly. My cousin died in Dallas the other day and I have to take my mom to the funeral tomorrow. It sucks.

[Merlot Joe]

Gordon sorry to hear of your families loss. Our best you and Ann.

Joe & Denice

[Irish Stu]

So sorry to hear your sad news Gordon. My deepest condolences to you and your family. As Jake said, we're here for you, so you can be strong for Ann.

Simon

[Ardbeg... innit]

Thanks All. The entire family has had plenty of time to prepare for this, and its no shock. Actually its something of a relief to have closure well in advance of Christmas, so we can recover by then and have a relatively normal holiday.

As I mentioned elsewhere, I am staying here to cover the end of the semester classes for Ann, plus our curling season is starting and I am swamped with getting that going. All in all, I am going to spend the next 10 days, while she is gone, running around using up the last of the relaxation credits I built up at HII two weeks back.

[edie2u]

Sorry to hear of your families loss. God Bless...

[Christinko]

Oh Gordon, please accept my condolences. May your families' grief be as healthy as possible during this sad time.