Post by DT on Jan 30, 2005 14:46:20 GMT -6
I liked this 
The following is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old
woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the
New York Times.
-------------------------------------------------------
To whom it may concern,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to
pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds
needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of
funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been
in place for only thirty-one years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and
also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused
to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me
to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally
attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity which your
bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and
hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your
chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order
that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no
alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by
documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter
than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they
say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me,
you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from.
Please press the buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is
required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized
Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may,
on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration
of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit
my account after each occasion.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client,
pssssst....Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman, all I can say is Right On Lady
The following is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old
woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the
New York Times.
-------------------------------------------------------
To whom it may concern,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to
pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds
needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of
funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been
in place for only thirty-one years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and
also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused
to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me
to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally
attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity which your
bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and
hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your
chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order
that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no
alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by
documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter
than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they
say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me,
you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from.
Please press the buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is
required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized
Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may,
on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration
of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit
my account after each occasion.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client,
pssssst....Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman, all I can say is Right On Lady
