Post by Ardbeg... innit on Feb 9, 2010 6:56:28 GMT -6
I guess you noticed I'm bald - well, balding. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. I don't like to say I'm losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had I been more responsible, this wouldn't have happened. "Where's your hair?" I lost it. You know me... Where are my keys?"
Technically speaking I'm “follicly challenged,” but I just like to tell everyone I'm not losing my hair, I'm getting more head.
People always ask me what the secret to a happy marriage is. I always say "Never go to sleep angry." That's my philosophy... and the longest I've been been awake so far is five days.
Someone stole my wallet last week and started using my Amex card, but I didn't report it to the credit card company. Guess what? turns out the thief spends less money than my wife does. It's a win win situation
Dear Lord, Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Someone from the cemetery called me today to verify information about my preplanned funeral and burial arrangements. After writing everything down, the gal at the cemetery assured me that's all she needed and said "You're good to go"
I was riding the escalator in Macy's this morning and clumsy me tripped and fell. You know I fell down those darn stairs for almost an hour and a half.
Technically speaking I'm “follicly challenged,” but I just like to tell everyone I'm not losing my hair, I'm getting more head.
People always ask me what the secret to a happy marriage is. I always say "Never go to sleep angry." That's my philosophy... and the longest I've been been awake so far is five days.
Someone stole my wallet last week and started using my Amex card, but I didn't report it to the credit card company. Guess what? turns out the thief spends less money than my wife does. It's a win win situation
Dear Lord, Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Someone from the cemetery called me today to verify information about my preplanned funeral and burial arrangements. After writing everything down, the gal at the cemetery assured me that's all she needed and said "You're good to go"
I was riding the escalator in Macy's this morning and clumsy me tripped and fell. You know I fell down those darn stairs for almost an hour and a half.