Post by New Mama on Oct 27, 2009 12:10:56 GMT -6
I'm sure this will not last long on Denny's so I have pasted it below. This Todd guy is too much....
Denny's going to stroke when he see's another travel agent promoting his group on his board.
For the past three years I have put out "Todd Unofficial guide to Hedonism and Jamaica". This year will be a little different, because as you know we moved to Hedonism II. I do not know Negril very well. I will have to get new contacts!! I am known for keeping it real! so hear it goes. If anything in this email offends you, please let us know immediately, so we can send it to you over and over until it does not offend you any longer.
1. When you arrive at the Montego Bay airport go directly to the SuperClubs Welcome area. Don't let anyone get you off track; they are probably trying to sell you a time share!! Once you get there, someone will take your luggage. One of the Red Caps will take your luggage to the bus when it is time to go. I personally only deal with Levi who is the president of the Red Caps and a cool guy. I suggest you ask one of the other Red Caps to get him. Tell him you are with Todd & Elena from LoveVoodoo.
2. Marijuana is illegal in Jamaica and at Hedonism. Ever see the TV show "Locked up Abroad" in Jamaica? Jamaican jails suck, if you smoke be VERY careful. DO NOT buy weed at the Airport, it is probably a sting. When we were there in January a guy walking down the beach was selling hash. A friend (you know who you are) bought some, and to this day I swear it was actually dog shit. I think they are still laughing at him about that! The really funny part is, he thought something was fishy, but he still smoked it!! Don't bother asking who it was, though his name rhymes with Dick. He did not have a buzz and had terrible breath! Is Marijuana legal at Hedo? NO it is not. No one is trying to bust anyone's nuts. If you smoke please be respectful of the other guests. If you are smoking by yourself it is probably no big deal, if you are smoking in the dining room, you may be asked to leave the property. Just remember not everyone is into it.
3. Public sex is illegal in Jamaica. This is a fact, and if it is going on in the resorts face, they are obligated to stop it. Like anything else, if you are respectful of other guests you would be surprised what you can get away with! Please remember, Hedonism is not a "swingers" or "sex" resort. Not everyone wants to watch someone get a blow job in the Hot Tub. If you are discrete, I am sure you will have a lot of fun. If you throw it in everyone's face, then you will ruin it for the bunch. If you are nailing someone's wife on the beach with a security guard standing right there, then he obviously has to stop you! It is his job, and he does not want to loose it! Please show a little discretion, I don't think anyone leaves Hedo thinking "wow they were not very open minded" You will get the respect you give others.
4. Smoking Cigarettes is not allowed in public areas of Hedo. Just a warning. You can smoke outside, but the dinning room and other areas are off limits. As a non smoker I also suggest you ask if you are upwind of someone anywhere. It is nasty and gives you baked bean teeth! Just my opinion :-)
5. I am sure you have heard people say "if the music is too loud, you are too old" well I am here to tell you, that is TRUE!! If you want to chat walk out side. There are plenty of places that you can chat, the disco is for dancing and debauchery! "Dude... Play some Free Bird!" NO WE WILL NOT. No Fee Bird (no disrespect to Lynard Skynard) No AC / DC and no 80's bad rap. If I hear Babies Got Back I am going to kill someone, and **** the Macarena too!! We are going to play Hip Hop and Reggae. That's it! Why you ask? Young hot girls like it and end up making out to it, and that is good enough for me!
6. The food at Hedo is pretty good. The Jerk chicken at the beach restaurant is not as good at Hedo III but it not bad either. Remember you are on an island. If you like goat (tastes like lamb) then you are in good shape. I personally eat a lot of Fish. It is fresh and I can not afford to eat it at home. Save the steak orders for next time you are in Colorado. Now that I think of it, it irritates the hell out of me, when people order steak on an island and say "its not very good" then order a piece of snapper in Denver and say "it does not taste fresh" Really? No shit? Its a ******* volcanic island with no pastures, and I have never been to the beach in Denver. Come on people use some common sense!
7. Tipping is not allowed. Many of you know what I think about this policy so let me just say. If someone gets caught taking a tip, they will get fired. Unless you plan on supporting their family PLEASE use caution. If someone pushes for a tip, let me know. I will not get him fired but I will talk to him. If you REALLY want to do something nice, they are allowed to accept little gifts. Go by a discount store and get some cool shirts, pants etc.
8. Problems! Will there be problems with your rooms, or towels, or dinner reservations, or something? ............. YES. This is a huge event with just about 600 people, and someone will have an issue with something. There are two ways to deal with this. Make a big deal and look like a jerk, walk around and say "guess what they did, bla bla bla" Or you can say "**** it, I am in Jamaica" I promise you that the second way is the best way. Go with the flow, if something seems like a huge deal, have a drink, if it still seems like a huge deal, find a LoveVoodoo Host. We will deal with it. No one wants to hear a god damn whiner.
9. If there are any serious issues, please call the GM Kevin Levee on his cell phone, the number is 954-567-7656. I am only Kidding!! That's not it!! I just wanted to scare Kevin a little when he read this!
10. Condoms and Red Bull: The condoms in Jamaica suck and are expensive. I suggest you bring them from home. I recently discovered these new Magnums. I think they are called Magnum Extremes. Man they are awesome! Red Bull is silly expensive at Hedo II. Get some from outside the resort, you will need it.
11. What if my rooms is not ready when I arrive! Cry me a river!! Who cares! Leave your luggage with the bell man and have a drink! You’re on vacation!
12. What if I am drunk and stoned and decide to jump into a 3 1/2 foot pool and I injure myself? If you break something the airlines will NOT let you fly, so don't tell them. Just go to the airport and fly home. I strongly suggest you get travel insurance. If you go the hospital in Jamaican and can't pay, guess what? You are shit out of luck! We had a lady in 2008 break her leg, thank god she had travel insurance. Not only did the insurance pay for her flight back, but it paid for her loss of vacation, medical bills and 4 months off of work!! They even paid for her husband to stay home and take care of her for a while!! To get travel insurance go to www.lovevoodootravel.com. Am I telling you this because we make money from the insurance? No! Do we make money from it? Yes!!! But it is still worth it!
13. Should I check out Ricks Cafe'? I have been and I was not impressed. Some dude jumps off of a high cliff into the ocean while I eat ok food and drink over priced drinks. Mean while everything on the resort is free! Don't get me wrong, it does not suck, I am just not blow away. Its kind of like South of the Boarder to me. Seems like a good idea, until you get there.!
14. I have not been to Jenny's Bakery, but I understand it it worth checking out. You will have to Google that one, I do not want any liability!
15. Is it safe to leave the resort? If you are from Baltimore, DC, Chicago, NYC, Miami etc, I think you are pretty safe. If you are from South Dakota stay on the resort! Seriously, Jamaica has a bad wrap. We have never had an issue. Act like you know what time it is, don't be a pussy, but then again don't be a jerk, and I doubt you will have a problem. That being said, you can have a problem anywhere! For god sake don't bring too much cash or your passport with you! Jamaicans are some of the nicest people I have ever met. 99% are glad you decided to visit their country, and our proud of their culture.
There are some jerks, like anywhere.
16. Make two extra copies of your passport. Leave one with you at all times, and leave one at home with relatives, leave the original in the hotel safe
17. No means no. One thing we will not tolerate is a pushy asshole. If someone does not get the message, find one of your host or the Manager On Duty, and they will deal with it. If they still do not get the message we will give them a Wood Shampoo and drop them off in Spanish town, nude! We have never had an issue and we do not intend on starting now!
18. "Todd and Elena have not said hi to us" Boo Hoo! Seriously... come on! I have heard this a dozen times. People will email us and say, I came all the way to Jamaica and Todd & Elena did not say hi. Well guess what? If you came to Jamaica to chat with us, you got ripped off!! We are not very interesting, we are just running a swingers site, it is no big deal. On top of that Elena is not really a talker, she wants to chill out and read genetic books! That is her idea of fun! Two years ago a couple emailed us and said " I walked by at least 10 times and you never said hi" I told them, yeah assholes, you walked by 10 times and didn't say hi!! There are over 500 people there, I could not possibly talk to everyone. If for some reason you really l want to talk to us, I have never been accused of not liking to talk. I love meeting our members and getting to know them, especially the ones that will have sex with me! Walk up and say hi. If you are a hot young girl feel free to drag me into the bushes!! If you want to have a long conversation, I am getting ready to tile my bathroom, feel free to stop by my house and help!
19. Don't be a jerk!
20. If there are any issues that a joint, blowjob, or a drink can not cure, please contact a host or a Hedonism employee right away. Please make myself or a LoveVoodoo Host aware of any issues so we can follow up.
21. Tavis Smith is the entertainment manager. Please when ever you see him grip his ass. This goes for the men as well. No its not gay! Just do it. Really I am not kidding. When ever you see Tavis grab his ass and squeeze the hell out of it.
21. Don't be a jerk
22. Have fun
23. Do not get arrested, we will leave you there
25. Bring home some Sangster's Rum Cream, your friends will LOVE it!
-Todd
WARNING: The opinions stated here do not represent the opinions of Superclubs or Hedonism II, especially the part about grabbing Tavis's ass.
_________________________
Put a little magic in your LOVE life!!!
Denny's going to stroke when he see's another travel agent promoting his group on his board.
For the past three years I have put out "Todd Unofficial guide to Hedonism and Jamaica". This year will be a little different, because as you know we moved to Hedonism II. I do not know Negril very well. I will have to get new contacts!! I am known for keeping it real! so hear it goes. If anything in this email offends you, please let us know immediately, so we can send it to you over and over until it does not offend you any longer.
1. When you arrive at the Montego Bay airport go directly to the SuperClubs Welcome area. Don't let anyone get you off track; they are probably trying to sell you a time share!! Once you get there, someone will take your luggage. One of the Red Caps will take your luggage to the bus when it is time to go. I personally only deal with Levi who is the president of the Red Caps and a cool guy. I suggest you ask one of the other Red Caps to get him. Tell him you are with Todd & Elena from LoveVoodoo.
2. Marijuana is illegal in Jamaica and at Hedonism. Ever see the TV show "Locked up Abroad" in Jamaica? Jamaican jails suck, if you smoke be VERY careful. DO NOT buy weed at the Airport, it is probably a sting. When we were there in January a guy walking down the beach was selling hash. A friend (you know who you are) bought some, and to this day I swear it was actually dog shit. I think they are still laughing at him about that! The really funny part is, he thought something was fishy, but he still smoked it!! Don't bother asking who it was, though his name rhymes with Dick. He did not have a buzz and had terrible breath! Is Marijuana legal at Hedo? NO it is not. No one is trying to bust anyone's nuts. If you smoke please be respectful of the other guests. If you are smoking by yourself it is probably no big deal, if you are smoking in the dining room, you may be asked to leave the property. Just remember not everyone is into it.
3. Public sex is illegal in Jamaica. This is a fact, and if it is going on in the resorts face, they are obligated to stop it. Like anything else, if you are respectful of other guests you would be surprised what you can get away with! Please remember, Hedonism is not a "swingers" or "sex" resort. Not everyone wants to watch someone get a blow job in the Hot Tub. If you are discrete, I am sure you will have a lot of fun. If you throw it in everyone's face, then you will ruin it for the bunch. If you are nailing someone's wife on the beach with a security guard standing right there, then he obviously has to stop you! It is his job, and he does not want to loose it! Please show a little discretion, I don't think anyone leaves Hedo thinking "wow they were not very open minded" You will get the respect you give others.
4. Smoking Cigarettes is not allowed in public areas of Hedo. Just a warning. You can smoke outside, but the dinning room and other areas are off limits. As a non smoker I also suggest you ask if you are upwind of someone anywhere. It is nasty and gives you baked bean teeth! Just my opinion :-)
5. I am sure you have heard people say "if the music is too loud, you are too old" well I am here to tell you, that is TRUE!! If you want to chat walk out side. There are plenty of places that you can chat, the disco is for dancing and debauchery! "Dude... Play some Free Bird!" NO WE WILL NOT. No Fee Bird (no disrespect to Lynard Skynard) No AC / DC and no 80's bad rap. If I hear Babies Got Back I am going to kill someone, and **** the Macarena too!! We are going to play Hip Hop and Reggae. That's it! Why you ask? Young hot girls like it and end up making out to it, and that is good enough for me!
6. The food at Hedo is pretty good. The Jerk chicken at the beach restaurant is not as good at Hedo III but it not bad either. Remember you are on an island. If you like goat (tastes like lamb) then you are in good shape. I personally eat a lot of Fish. It is fresh and I can not afford to eat it at home. Save the steak orders for next time you are in Colorado. Now that I think of it, it irritates the hell out of me, when people order steak on an island and say "its not very good" then order a piece of snapper in Denver and say "it does not taste fresh" Really? No shit? Its a ******* volcanic island with no pastures, and I have never been to the beach in Denver. Come on people use some common sense!
7. Tipping is not allowed. Many of you know what I think about this policy so let me just say. If someone gets caught taking a tip, they will get fired. Unless you plan on supporting their family PLEASE use caution. If someone pushes for a tip, let me know. I will not get him fired but I will talk to him. If you REALLY want to do something nice, they are allowed to accept little gifts. Go by a discount store and get some cool shirts, pants etc.
8. Problems! Will there be problems with your rooms, or towels, or dinner reservations, or something? ............. YES. This is a huge event with just about 600 people, and someone will have an issue with something. There are two ways to deal with this. Make a big deal and look like a jerk, walk around and say "guess what they did, bla bla bla" Or you can say "**** it, I am in Jamaica" I promise you that the second way is the best way. Go with the flow, if something seems like a huge deal, have a drink, if it still seems like a huge deal, find a LoveVoodoo Host. We will deal with it. No one wants to hear a god damn whiner.
9. If there are any serious issues, please call the GM Kevin Levee on his cell phone, the number is 954-567-7656. I am only Kidding!! That's not it!! I just wanted to scare Kevin a little when he read this!
10. Condoms and Red Bull: The condoms in Jamaica suck and are expensive. I suggest you bring them from home. I recently discovered these new Magnums. I think they are called Magnum Extremes. Man they are awesome! Red Bull is silly expensive at Hedo II. Get some from outside the resort, you will need it.
11. What if my rooms is not ready when I arrive! Cry me a river!! Who cares! Leave your luggage with the bell man and have a drink! You’re on vacation!
12. What if I am drunk and stoned and decide to jump into a 3 1/2 foot pool and I injure myself? If you break something the airlines will NOT let you fly, so don't tell them. Just go to the airport and fly home. I strongly suggest you get travel insurance. If you go the hospital in Jamaican and can't pay, guess what? You are shit out of luck! We had a lady in 2008 break her leg, thank god she had travel insurance. Not only did the insurance pay for her flight back, but it paid for her loss of vacation, medical bills and 4 months off of work!! They even paid for her husband to stay home and take care of her for a while!! To get travel insurance go to www.lovevoodootravel.com. Am I telling you this because we make money from the insurance? No! Do we make money from it? Yes!!! But it is still worth it!
13. Should I check out Ricks Cafe'? I have been and I was not impressed. Some dude jumps off of a high cliff into the ocean while I eat ok food and drink over priced drinks. Mean while everything on the resort is free! Don't get me wrong, it does not suck, I am just not blow away. Its kind of like South of the Boarder to me. Seems like a good idea, until you get there.!
14. I have not been to Jenny's Bakery, but I understand it it worth checking out. You will have to Google that one, I do not want any liability!
15. Is it safe to leave the resort? If you are from Baltimore, DC, Chicago, NYC, Miami etc, I think you are pretty safe. If you are from South Dakota stay on the resort! Seriously, Jamaica has a bad wrap. We have never had an issue. Act like you know what time it is, don't be a pussy, but then again don't be a jerk, and I doubt you will have a problem. That being said, you can have a problem anywhere! For god sake don't bring too much cash or your passport with you! Jamaicans are some of the nicest people I have ever met. 99% are glad you decided to visit their country, and our proud of their culture.
There are some jerks, like anywhere.
16. Make two extra copies of your passport. Leave one with you at all times, and leave one at home with relatives, leave the original in the hotel safe
17. No means no. One thing we will not tolerate is a pushy asshole. If someone does not get the message, find one of your host or the Manager On Duty, and they will deal with it. If they still do not get the message we will give them a Wood Shampoo and drop them off in Spanish town, nude! We have never had an issue and we do not intend on starting now!
18. "Todd and Elena have not said hi to us" Boo Hoo! Seriously... come on! I have heard this a dozen times. People will email us and say, I came all the way to Jamaica and Todd & Elena did not say hi. Well guess what? If you came to Jamaica to chat with us, you got ripped off!! We are not very interesting, we are just running a swingers site, it is no big deal. On top of that Elena is not really a talker, she wants to chill out and read genetic books! That is her idea of fun! Two years ago a couple emailed us and said " I walked by at least 10 times and you never said hi" I told them, yeah assholes, you walked by 10 times and didn't say hi!! There are over 500 people there, I could not possibly talk to everyone. If for some reason you really l want to talk to us, I have never been accused of not liking to talk. I love meeting our members and getting to know them, especially the ones that will have sex with me! Walk up and say hi. If you are a hot young girl feel free to drag me into the bushes!! If you want to have a long conversation, I am getting ready to tile my bathroom, feel free to stop by my house and help!
19. Don't be a jerk!
20. If there are any issues that a joint, blowjob, or a drink can not cure, please contact a host or a Hedonism employee right away. Please make myself or a LoveVoodoo Host aware of any issues so we can follow up.
21. Tavis Smith is the entertainment manager. Please when ever you see him grip his ass. This goes for the men as well. No its not gay! Just do it. Really I am not kidding. When ever you see Tavis grab his ass and squeeze the hell out of it.
21. Don't be a jerk
22. Have fun
23. Do not get arrested, we will leave you there
25. Bring home some Sangster's Rum Cream, your friends will LOVE it!
-Todd
WARNING: The opinions stated here do not represent the opinions of Superclubs or Hedonism II, especially the part about grabbing Tavis's ass.
_________________________
Put a little magic in your LOVE life!!!
