Post by Irish Stu on Jun 2, 2006 19:53:35 GMT -6
WWW May 2006 Trip Report
This was to be our sixth trip to Hedo III, and it was nearly the trip that wasn’t. The trip was on, it was off, it was back on again, off, back on and paid for in full then possibly off again. Our special thanks must go to our travel agent Dennyp for his patience and his considerable efforts on our behalf liaising with SuperClubs when, less than two weeks before the trip, it looked like we might have to cancel. The background to all this was that Sam had not been well since Christmas, and every time it looked like she was going to be ok things would take a turn for the worse. Don’t get me wrong, a trip to Hedo wasn’t at the top of our list of priorities, but a week in the sun with our friends would be the perfect opportunity to relax and get over the massive disruption our lives had suffered over the previous months. If we ever made it there!! But make it we did, and this trip we learned that Hedo may usually be all about the people, but this trip it was ALL ABOUT THE duck (why a no chicken?)!!
In fact we learned many things that week, a week which was to be very different for us from our previous five trips. With Sam recovering from her illness we weren’t looking to have such a wild and crazy week as we have done before, instead we wanted nothing more then to relax by day, enjoying a few games of pool volleyball along the way, and to not go too overboard at night. And that’s what we did, and in doing so…
…some people learned that the English guy who posts all over Denny’s board is much quieter in real life than they might have expected. This was because we were learning how much of a good time you can have at Hedo, and how much we could enjoy our vacation there, without feeling we needed to drink the bar dry every day. The medications Sam was on meant she couldn’t drink, so to soften the blow for her I chose to enjoy only one or two alcoholic drinks during each daytime and to limit my consumption at night. This meant that we were both probably a lot quieter than usual, preferring to take in what was going on around us and enjoy the atmosphere rather than trying to play our usual role in making the atmosphere. But nevertheless we still had a great time, and still joined in the fun when we wanted to.
"Never rub another man's rhubarb”
…before we even reached the resort we learned that people who put their initials on their luggage so they can be sure to recognize it on the luggage carousel are no less likely to walk off with someone else’s bags than the rest of us. On arrival in Miami at the end of the first leg of our trip to Jamaica we could only find one of our two bags, and once every single other bag had been taken only one remained, an almost identical one to mine except it was a slightly darker shade of blue and had the owner’s initials by the handle. Looking at the tag on it the owner was catching a connecting flight to Orlando… with MY BAG!! Or so he thought, because as the guy at lost luggage explained to me, when he put it back in the baggage handling system it would eventually get spat out again as it was tagged for Miami as its final destination, and not Orlando. And that’s exactly what happened and we finally collected it the next morning before our flight down to Montego Bay. And what a huge relief this was to me as without it all I would have had with me was the clothes I was wearing.
“So what do you guys get up to at that sex resort you go to?”
“We play bingo”
“We play bingo”
…we learned that EC’s have no problem getting a bunch of drunk naked people to play bingo at the nude bar, but those same fun loving party animals couldn’t be tempted by a poolside game of Truth or Dare.
…I learned that all Jamaican men, when they are not obsessing about cricket, appear to also obsess about the English Premier League soccer team Arsenal Football Club. The first words spoken to me by a male Jamaican on arrival in the country was “You English? You follow Arsenal? You know if Thierry Henry signed a new contract yet?” This trend was to continue all week, until finally the male Jamaican who checked our boarding passes as we were about to board our flight home asked “You English? You follow Arsenal?” Then with a big grin excitedly told me “Did you hear Thierry Henry signed a new five year contract?”
… we already knew how much we would miss Lou, and seeing The Good Sister there alone reminded us just how much of a hole his passing has left in the lives of so many people. We understand why you won’t be coming back to Hedo again Katherine, and we hope that this last trip has helped you with your healing.
"Let’s show these Americans what duck (why a no chicken?) jumping is all about”
… lots of us learned that duck (why a no chicken?) jumping is the second most fun you can have naked. Don and Jeanne had brought a giant inflatable duck (why a no chicken?) with them which took up residency on the nude side. The (hopefully) soon to be Olympic sport of duck (why a no chicken?) Jumping began with two spotters standing either side of the duck (why a no chicken?) to hold it steady with its ass end facing the hot tub. The jumpers then took it in turns to climb up onto the side wall of the hot tub and perch ready to throw themselves, open legged, onto the duck (why a no chicken?)’s back. The girls took the first turns due to the chivalry of the men, and no doubt because the view from inside the hot tub as they prepared to leap was so appealing. It was a side splittingly funny sight to watch naked adults hurling themselves at a giant plastic duck (why a no chicken?) that they stood little or no chance of staying on. Some would jump too far and topple forwards while desperately clutching at the duck (why a no chicken?)’s neck in a futile attempt to stay on. Others would fall short, briefly making contact with the back of the duck (why a no chicken?) before disappearing into the water. One or two completely misjudged their angle of trajectory and floundered momentarily on the duck (why a no chicken?)’s back before making an undignified exit into the water. For most though it went something like this. They would make a seemingly perfect jump, make a seemingly perfect landing, followed by a split second when it appeared that their effort had seemingly been a success. Only for a split second though, because before they knew it the duck (why a no chicken?) would dip to one side and they’d be tipped off into the murky depths of the nude pool. Bobby Jo, America’s Olympic duck (why a no chicken?) Jumping champion in waiting, was the only one who could successfully jump on, and stay on, the duck (why a no chicken?) each and every time (bar one that we witnessed) that she took a turn. A couple of other girls managed it, and I believe just one guy. The chances of success may have been nigh on impossible, but the fun we had trying went off the scale.
… one morning I learned you can believe everything you see at Hedo, even when you have only just woken up and haven’t had your first coffee of the day, when I got up and threw back the curtains of our Quad swim-up room and saw the duck (why a no chicken?) staring right at me from the open bathroom window of the second floor room directly opposite ours. Seems the duck (why a no chicken?) had suffered a puncture and Don and Jeanne had taken it back to their room to put a patch on it, and had left the window open to get rid of the fumes from the glue.
“I’m the one person who actually needs a vibrator and I get to take home the sheep apron”
… Sam learned that you can win a prize for your outfit on PJ night when winning anything was furthest from her mind.
… at the nude pool one afternoon Glenn learned just how difficult it can be to hold onto a camera which has been used to take sneaky pictures of naked people when it was passed to him and it accidentally slipped out of his hand and into the pool. OOPS!!
… several people learned on the WWW Group’s Patriotic Night, when they asked us why we had Swiss flags on our outfits, that England has its own flag, a red cross on a white background called the Cross of St George. As we are English first and British second we chose to wear the English flag rather than the red, white and blue Union Flag that most people are probably more used to seeing.
“EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!”
… a very large naked guy climbed up on the bar on the disco and learned that by backing himself up to the pole, pulling his ass cheeks apart and rubbing himself up and down against it that he could make every person in the room cry out “EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!” in unison. He also learned that this was a sure fire was to get his naked ass thrown out of the disco a few seconds later.
… Polly learned, when asked where she comes from when she volunteered to take part in a EC organized poolside game, that Rayleigh said with a southern accent sounds like wally to a Jamaican, and was introduced by a delighted EC to the crowd at the nude pool as “Polly from Wally”
“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
… Sam and I learned one day how much fun it is to actually do something other than just hang out at the nude pool during the day when we decided to get one of the water sports guys to take us out on a Hobie Cat. We got a good look at Breezes from the ocean and learned that there is a nice looking bar/restaurant that has been opened between the resorts by the manager of Breezes. We may try to round up a group of friends to go to there for an evening on our next trip.
…Amber learned that we Brits apparently hold and use our knives and forks differently to most Americans and was fascinated to watch us self-consciously eat under her watchful gaze.
… it took six trips, but we finally ventured to the lunch buffet and learned that the food there is actually pretty good, in fact both times we ate there the soup was so good that I went back up for a second serving. The offerings on the salad bar are similar to those that we like so much at Pastafari, and the tacos we had on Thursday were delicious.
… food wise, I finally learned on this trip that if I had salad instead of the sushi course in Munasan that it nicely breaks up that same taste that runs through every course, and I can then enjoy my meal there much more than I’ve been able to before.
… still on the subject of food, I also learned that if you make a joke on Denny’s message board demanding that a fruit plate be brought to your room that the Food Plate Elves will read it and will bring a variety of different food plates to your room. Each and every day. Without fail. These included cheese and cracker plates, cold meat plates, chocolate plates, and of course the infamous fruit plate.
“You spiked one of the girls!! Good job!!”
… Glenn learned that jabbing upwards into the air with two fingers, with your palm facing inwards, across the crowded Piano Bar to indicate that you want a vodka drink ordering for you actually means the same to Brits as flipping one finger at an American, and is likely to render the Brits confused and bemused and not get you your drink.
“Great accent. Are you guys from Alabama?”
… we learned that in future we will know not to leave an open suitcase on the floor while we are packing to go home. We had spotted a lizard in our room a couple of times, the second time being when it made me jump when it ran out from under one of the chairs by the window when I wandered over that way. This was much to the delight of Sam who thought this was hilarious and revelled in telling everyone all about it. Until, that is, we returned home to the UK and were unpacking in our bedroom. Sam picked up something in her case and lo and behold a lizard (the same lizard perhaps) fell off it giving her such a shock she fell over backwards onto me and nearly had us both over. After an evening spent lizard hunting in our bedroom we both hoped that our little stowaway was as jetlagged as we were.
… Sam and I both learned that true friends aren’t just the people you grew up with, or those that live around you, they can be people from another country that you met on an island and don’t get to see anywhere near as much as you would like to who care about you and look out for you when they know you are getting over the kicking that life has recently dealt you.
We didn’t have the wildest time during our week, but we knew that would be the case before the trip. What we did have was a wonderful week with some equally wonderful friends, a week when we made some new friends too, and learned about the wonderful healing powers of Hedonism. We went home happy and healed (although I can’t speak for the lizard).
Simon
?
;D
