Post by Irish Stu on Jun 13, 2005 17:38:57 GMT -6
I thought I would follow Jake's lead and post our recent Hedo III trip report that's been languishing on Dennyp for the past couple of weeks. I apologise in advance for the sentimental references to friends etc but it was written with a Dennyp audience in mind and for the enjoyment of our friends who would read it. And anyway, I couldn't be arsed to take the time to edit them out. Enjoy (or otherwise).
Simon
As a kid my mom brought me up never to talk to strangers. So I don't plan on telling her any time soon how we flew all the way from the UK to Miami where we were breaking our journey overnight to Jamaica for the May WWW week and, badly jetlagged, climbed into a car with a couple we had met online. My mom watches CSI : Miami and has a pretty clear idea of what imaginative fates could have befallen us, but that's what we did and the couple in question were Jay and Lynn from Fort Lauderdale who we had got to know through their WWW group listing. Like us they were flying down to Jamaica the next morning and had taken the trouble to get their packing finished early and take us out to dinner on Miami's Ocean Drive so we could get to know each other ahead of the week of debauchery that was about to unfold before us.
Next morning on arrival at Montego Bay we opted to take a taxi to the resort for the first time instead of the bus. In our opinion it was $70 well spent. Less than 5 minutes after clearing customs… 3 of those minutes were spent picking up some bottles of Heineken to drink in the taxi (our last drinkable beers for the next week) at the hut outside the door… and we were on our way with our own personal tour guide, our driver Leroy 'Tallpiece' Atkinson. As well as pointing out the various sites Leroy and I discussed the lives of everyday Jamaicans, and he told me how he wished that the British were still in charge there as, in his opinion, all Jamaicans would be better off for it. I was touched that there are people whose lives are so impoverish that they would prefer to go back to being subjugated by a long disbanded empire rather than enjoy the freedom to control their own destiny.
Ok now, serious head off and party head on!! Hold tight!! Here we go!!
To the resort… check in (not given block of choice, no problem mon)… to the room (looks just like the previous 3 rooms)… get nekkid (done it before, again no problem mon)… to the nude pool… WOO HOO!! 8 days of fun and debauchery start here!!
That first afternoon was spent embarking on new friendships with Steve and Bobbie Jo, Kevin and Molly, Rick and Deb, and of course Jay and Lynn who were there waiting for us, and renewing old friendships. The first of our Hedo friends we ran into was Laura and Jeff right as we were checking in. Poor Laura was on crutches having slipped and fallen badly the night before and breaking her foot. This was a bad enough thing to happen on vacation, but to have it happen on her first night seemed particularly cruel, but all credit to her for not letting it get her down and getting on with enjoying the week. Dean and Lex were the next of our Hedo friends we were to be reunited with and it was a great pleasure to again enjoy a week of in the company of this incredible couple on our shared vacation, followed by the Good Sister and Lou. We would have to wait until the next day before our other friends Debbie and Curtis and Randy and Karen would arrive.
Sunday night was Pirate Night at the WWW welcome party on the roof of the Scotch Bonnet. We eventually arrived late at the party after 15 minutes of grunts and gasps in our room. Yes, you guessed it, Sam was trying to lace up her corset. There were some great outfits on show and Curtis again sported his famous vibrating hook. To our very great shock, and it's not often I am left speechless, Sam and I won the 3 free days in the draw, thus ensuring we would indeed be returning for the October WWW trip.
The week mostly followed the same pattern as our previous trips with a daily routine usually consisting of : breakfast; nude pool; lunch at pool or Scotch Bonnet; nude pool; nap; dinner; Piano Bar; Disco; hot tub; bed. There you go, I just saved you having to read a trip report that said the above in seven different ways for 7 different days… "Wednesday was just like Tuesday and Monday, we had breakfast in the dinning room, then over to the nude pool where we also had lunch, afternoon at the pool hanging out with yada yada yada…"
During the days I played a lot more volleyball than on previous trips, even scoring the winning point for my team in one of the games, and I pulled off some great spikes to dispel any myths that Englishmen can't jump.
“ It was in the middle days of the Great Journey through the Hedolands that the Master took arms with the mighty warriors of the Fountain of Pussy against the Nudiebar hordes. ch-ch-changing from his ceremonial cowboy's crown into the dew rag of battle, the Master fought valiantly launching terrifying spikes to scatter the Hordes massed beyond the Net of Battle. But it came to pass that in the heat of this mighty struggle the Master was struck a terrible blow, and in an instant the Precious was cast from his finger and lost in the depths of the Nudepool Waterlands whose waters are so foul and hellish that only the very bravest of mortals dare enter. Knowing too well the enormity of its loss the master and his comrades placed their faces to the waters, fearing not what might be lurking in them, and searched for the lost Precious. It was not long though before it began to seem to them that their efforts might be in vain and soon all hope appeared to be lost and their search doomed…
Not so though for the handsome prince who had travelled from a distant land of lords and kings to join the adventure in the Hedolands. With his noble warrior's hearing he had heard a 'clink' as the Precious was dispatched from the Master's finger and, knowing that the Precious must therefore have struck something before disappearing into the murky depths, he had concentrated his search near the treacherous rock face that boarders the Nudepool Waterlands. It was not long before the despairing warriors, their own search abandoned, heard him cry "I have found it!!" and turned to see the handsome prince plunge below the waters, to reappear several tension filled seconds later with the Precious held aloft in his noble fingers. The battle weary warriors bowed their heads in awe and respect, whilst the maidens and wrenches assembled round the Fountain of Pussy gasped with delight and were flushed by a quickening of the pulse before engaging in arguments amongst themselves as to what order they should take their turns enjoying the handsome prince's favors that very eventide…
So overcome with joy at the return of his Precious, the Master, with outstretched arms placed his hands on the prince's shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek. And so the moment was lost as the warriors, maidens and wrenches collapsed in helpless fits of laughter, clutching their sides for fear they might split.”
Oh well, some you win, some you lose…
Dean and Lex hosted Tuesday afternoon's Erotic Gift Exchange in the Piano Bar (did I mention what a great couple they are?). Lex is an amazing entertainer and so natural on the microphone, and her commentary added tenfold to the fun of the afternoon. Sam was first to steal someone's previously selected item, a multi-pack of vibrators from Laura, but all things balance out in the end and they were soon stolen from her by someone else. We ended up with a vibrating orb, penis shaped squirt gun, and a pack of body paints that we will be taking back to use on the October trip. Very appropriately Dean, who is of Welsh descent, ended up with an inflatable sheep and I was delighted to advise him that Welshmen (who are reputed to be sheep shaggers) like to shag their sheep on the edge of a cliffs so the sheep will push back harder!!
“Some Things That Happen Here Should Never be Forgotten, Like …Err…”
We went to the piano bar most nights. It was ok but lacked energy most of the time and was mainly a filler for us between dinner and the disco. But we did spend more time in, and had more fun in, the disco than on previous trips. The music suited our mood every night and the crowd we were with loved to dance and get some sexy vibes going. Highlight of the week was when Sam performed on the pole on the bar to the sound of Kid Rock's Cowboy song before joining the rest of the girls to cavort in the cage. I think that was the same night Lynn and I made the waterslide guy mad by going down together after he had ordered us not to.
Late on Tuesday afternoon the alcohol fuelled sexual energy reached fever pitch, resulting in some crazy scenes around the pussy fountain and the nude bar in the early evening. As usual when the drunken debauchery starts my lovely Sam can be found in the thick of it, which reminds me that I must remember to ask her when she got her taste for ice cubes!! Sadly she couldn't come out to play later that night because apparently the bread roll she ate earlier had disagreed with her!! Yeah right!! So I spent Patriotic Night on my own with 'the gang' at Pastafari, were I learned something new that night… apparently when you have a booking for 8 people at Pastafari and there are only 6 or so other people in the restaurant you still can't add 2 more friends to your party. This is because, our host told us without a hint of irony, there is only one table that seats 8+ and to squeeze too many people around a smaller table was dangerous because the plates are so hot. Yes folks, your unsuspecting hand could brush against your neighbor's plate resulting in a serious injury. Well, also without a hint of irony, 10 of us sat down at the table and ate the lukewarm food off the cold plates it was served to us on.
We eventually wound up at the quad hot tub where Lynn and Jeanne made sure I didn't feel left out of the fun. The tub gradually emptied leaving Lynn and I alone with a single guy sat opposite. He decided to strike up a friendly conversation with us by asking if we were married. Well when I'm drinking all week and exhausted from lack of sleep my brain seems to run at only 1/3 capacity (on a good day!!) but I had the devil in me that night so quick as a flash I replied "Yes we are". I could sense Lynn next to me bemused and wondering where I was going to go with this. Next he asked how many times we had been to Hedo and I replied, whilst turning to Lynn, with something like "Four times now isn't it honey?". He asked a couple more questions and I was waiting for him to ask something like "So how did an American girl and an English guy get together?" so I could spin him the tale that was forming in my mind about how we'd met this same week last year when we'd been here with our former partners and had declared our undying love for each other at the airport before flying home. Sadly he left without asking the question so he escaped being dragged into a bizarre fantasy world built around my evermore outrageous lies.
On Thursday I had booked Sam and I for a massage. We chose the deep tissue full body option, which Lynn told us she calls a 'Hurtin' Massage'. It was worth every penny and after 50 minutes of learning that we ached in places we didn't even know we had, we emerged with renewed energy to get our exhausted bodies through our final couple of days at the resort.
The weather was amazing most of the week with the sun the most brutal I think we have experienced there. Thursday started out just as hot but sadly it clouded over around lunchtime and that was the last we saw of the sun until we were getting ready to leave on Saturday morning. It was warm enough though to stay out at the pool and Friday started out the same… and then the torrential rain began. We retired to the hot tub which was soon overflowing into the pool, and sat in the rain, but an approaching thunder storm soon had us taking shelter in the archway through the 600 block. After spending a good 20 minutes or so there we eventually decided to make a run for it to the dinning room to eat. Naturally it stopped raining the moment we got there, and just to further poke fun at us all the food had by then been cleared away. So we headed over to the Scotch Bonnet where I sampled the curried goat and we remained there for the next couple of hours as the rain storms came and went.
We had our last dinner of the week with Lynn and Jay, Kathy and Scott, Don and Jeanne, and Doug and Kendra. We really missed Steve and Bobby Jo, who we had only really gotten to know well towards the end of the week, as they had left the day before. As usual nothing is 'normal' at Pastafari, and this being Fetish Night at the resort it was only natural that they should refuse to admit Jeanne until she put some clothes over the very pretty underwear she was wearing. The service was as haphazard as ever, water glasses are topped up with annoying regularity but heaven help you if you want your wine glass refilled. Repeated requests for more red wine were met with "I haven't forgotten you". Well if you haven't forgotten me why don't you bring me my wine? My carbonara starter didn't come, when I asked about it the waiter told me it would come as a side with my entree. When it still didn't come I asked him again and he went over to the kitchen area and seemed to lay down the law, ensuring that my dish was with me in a couple of minutes.
On our last night we found the nude side and the Quad hot tubs way too hot, so Sam and I, Jay and Lynn, and Don and Jeanne spent some time sitting around the little tiled table that is home to the post that holds up the volleyball net. A while later a very drunk woman suddenly and without warning fell into the pool and landed on Sam. I say fell, I really mean plunged. Seems that in her inebriation she had decided to step into the pool next to Sam and misjudged the step down to the seat we were sitting on. Sam then went off to the bathroom, and moments after she left another woman did exactly the same thing and plunged on top of me. I say plunged, I really mean plummeted…
From the nude pool the six of us eventually gravitated to the little glass bottomed hot tub by the disco where we ended up spending the rest of the night and eventually watched the sun come up. A little after dawn Don and Jeanne sadly had to leave us to finish packing before their 9am bus, leaving just Jay, Lynn, Sam and myself. So the vacation ended as it had started, in the company of our new friends.
GOODTIMES
Simon
Lord of the Lost Rings
Episode 4 of Simon and Sam’s WWW Trilogy.
As a kid my mom brought me up never to talk to strangers. So I don't plan on telling her any time soon how we flew all the way from the UK to Miami where we were breaking our journey overnight to Jamaica for the May WWW week and, badly jetlagged, climbed into a car with a couple we had met online. My mom watches CSI : Miami and has a pretty clear idea of what imaginative fates could have befallen us, but that's what we did and the couple in question were Jay and Lynn from Fort Lauderdale who we had got to know through their WWW group listing. Like us they were flying down to Jamaica the next morning and had taken the trouble to get their packing finished early and take us out to dinner on Miami's Ocean Drive so we could get to know each other ahead of the week of debauchery that was about to unfold before us.
“Cut ’n’ Paste”
Next morning on arrival at Montego Bay we opted to take a taxi to the resort for the first time instead of the bus. In our opinion it was $70 well spent. Less than 5 minutes after clearing customs… 3 of those minutes were spent picking up some bottles of Heineken to drink in the taxi (our last drinkable beers for the next week) at the hut outside the door… and we were on our way with our own personal tour guide, our driver Leroy 'Tallpiece' Atkinson. As well as pointing out the various sites Leroy and I discussed the lives of everyday Jamaicans, and he told me how he wished that the British were still in charge there as, in his opinion, all Jamaicans would be better off for it. I was touched that there are people whose lives are so impoverish that they would prefer to go back to being subjugated by a long disbanded empire rather than enjoy the freedom to control their own destiny.
Ok now, serious head off and party head on!! Hold tight!! Here we go!!
"I Ain't Getting' On No duck (why a no chicken?)!!"
To the resort… check in (not given block of choice, no problem mon)… to the room (looks just like the previous 3 rooms)… get nekkid (done it before, again no problem mon)… to the nude pool… WOO HOO!! 8 days of fun and debauchery start here!!
That first afternoon was spent embarking on new friendships with Steve and Bobbie Jo, Kevin and Molly, Rick and Deb, and of course Jay and Lynn who were there waiting for us, and renewing old friendships. The first of our Hedo friends we ran into was Laura and Jeff right as we were checking in. Poor Laura was on crutches having slipped and fallen badly the night before and breaking her foot. This was a bad enough thing to happen on vacation, but to have it happen on her first night seemed particularly cruel, but all credit to her for not letting it get her down and getting on with enjoying the week. Dean and Lex were the next of our Hedo friends we were to be reunited with and it was a great pleasure to again enjoy a week of in the company of this incredible couple on our shared vacation, followed by the Good Sister and Lou. We would have to wait until the next day before our other friends Debbie and Curtis and Randy and Karen would arrive.
“OH MY GOODNESS!!" "OH MY GOODNESS!!" "OH MY GOODNESS!!"
Sunday night was Pirate Night at the WWW welcome party on the roof of the Scotch Bonnet. We eventually arrived late at the party after 15 minutes of grunts and gasps in our room. Yes, you guessed it, Sam was trying to lace up her corset. There were some great outfits on show and Curtis again sported his famous vibrating hook. To our very great shock, and it's not often I am left speechless, Sam and I won the 3 free days in the draw, thus ensuring we would indeed be returning for the October WWW trip.
"The Ego Has Landed"
The week mostly followed the same pattern as our previous trips with a daily routine usually consisting of : breakfast; nude pool; lunch at pool or Scotch Bonnet; nude pool; nap; dinner; Piano Bar; Disco; hot tub; bed. There you go, I just saved you having to read a trip report that said the above in seven different ways for 7 different days… "Wednesday was just like Tuesday and Monday, we had breakfast in the dinning room, then over to the nude pool where we also had lunch, afternoon at the pool hanging out with yada yada yada…"
During the days I played a lot more volleyball than on previous trips, even scoring the winning point for my team in one of the games, and I pulled off some great spikes to dispel any myths that Englishmen can't jump.
"Master has Lost his Precious"
“ It was in the middle days of the Great Journey through the Hedolands that the Master took arms with the mighty warriors of the Fountain of Pussy against the Nudiebar hordes. ch-ch-changing from his ceremonial cowboy's crown into the dew rag of battle, the Master fought valiantly launching terrifying spikes to scatter the Hordes massed beyond the Net of Battle. But it came to pass that in the heat of this mighty struggle the Master was struck a terrible blow, and in an instant the Precious was cast from his finger and lost in the depths of the Nudepool Waterlands whose waters are so foul and hellish that only the very bravest of mortals dare enter. Knowing too well the enormity of its loss the master and his comrades placed their faces to the waters, fearing not what might be lurking in them, and searched for the lost Precious. It was not long though before it began to seem to them that their efforts might be in vain and soon all hope appeared to be lost and their search doomed…
Not so though for the handsome prince who had travelled from a distant land of lords and kings to join the adventure in the Hedolands. With his noble warrior's hearing he had heard a 'clink' as the Precious was dispatched from the Master's finger and, knowing that the Precious must therefore have struck something before disappearing into the murky depths, he had concentrated his search near the treacherous rock face that boarders the Nudepool Waterlands. It was not long before the despairing warriors, their own search abandoned, heard him cry "I have found it!!" and turned to see the handsome prince plunge below the waters, to reappear several tension filled seconds later with the Precious held aloft in his noble fingers. The battle weary warriors bowed their heads in awe and respect, whilst the maidens and wrenches assembled round the Fountain of Pussy gasped with delight and were flushed by a quickening of the pulse before engaging in arguments amongst themselves as to what order they should take their turns enjoying the handsome prince's favors that very eventide…
So overcome with joy at the return of his Precious, the Master, with outstretched arms placed his hands on the prince's shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek. And so the moment was lost as the warriors, maidens and wrenches collapsed in helpless fits of laughter, clutching their sides for fear they might split.”
Oh well, some you win, some you lose…
"The Phone Rang Just As He'd Started On His Vinegar Strokes…"
Dean and Lex hosted Tuesday afternoon's Erotic Gift Exchange in the Piano Bar (did I mention what a great couple they are?). Lex is an amazing entertainer and so natural on the microphone, and her commentary added tenfold to the fun of the afternoon. Sam was first to steal someone's previously selected item, a multi-pack of vibrators from Laura, but all things balance out in the end and they were soon stolen from her by someone else. We ended up with a vibrating orb, penis shaped squirt gun, and a pack of body paints that we will be taking back to use on the October trip. Very appropriately Dean, who is of Welsh descent, ended up with an inflatable sheep and I was delighted to advise him that Welshmen (who are reputed to be sheep shaggers) like to shag their sheep on the edge of a cliffs so the sheep will push back harder!!
“Some Things That Happen Here Should Never be Forgotten, Like …Err…”
We went to the piano bar most nights. It was ok but lacked energy most of the time and was mainly a filler for us between dinner and the disco. But we did spend more time in, and had more fun in, the disco than on previous trips. The music suited our mood every night and the crowd we were with loved to dance and get some sexy vibes going. Highlight of the week was when Sam performed on the pole on the bar to the sound of Kid Rock's Cowboy song before joining the rest of the girls to cavort in the cage. I think that was the same night Lynn and I made the waterslide guy mad by going down together after he had ordered us not to.
"Strike One"
Late on Tuesday afternoon the alcohol fuelled sexual energy reached fever pitch, resulting in some crazy scenes around the pussy fountain and the nude bar in the early evening. As usual when the drunken debauchery starts my lovely Sam can be found in the thick of it, which reminds me that I must remember to ask her when she got her taste for ice cubes!! Sadly she couldn't come out to play later that night because apparently the bread roll she ate earlier had disagreed with her!! Yeah right!! So I spent Patriotic Night on my own with 'the gang' at Pastafari, were I learned something new that night… apparently when you have a booking for 8 people at Pastafari and there are only 6 or so other people in the restaurant you still can't add 2 more friends to your party. This is because, our host told us without a hint of irony, there is only one table that seats 8+ and to squeeze too many people around a smaller table was dangerous because the plates are so hot. Yes folks, your unsuspecting hand could brush against your neighbor's plate resulting in a serious injury. Well, also without a hint of irony, 10 of us sat down at the table and ate the lukewarm food off the cold plates it was served to us on.
"Are You Two Married?"
We eventually wound up at the quad hot tub where Lynn and Jeanne made sure I didn't feel left out of the fun. The tub gradually emptied leaving Lynn and I alone with a single guy sat opposite. He decided to strike up a friendly conversation with us by asking if we were married. Well when I'm drinking all week and exhausted from lack of sleep my brain seems to run at only 1/3 capacity (on a good day!!) but I had the devil in me that night so quick as a flash I replied "Yes we are". I could sense Lynn next to me bemused and wondering where I was going to go with this. Next he asked how many times we had been to Hedo and I replied, whilst turning to Lynn, with something like "Four times now isn't it honey?". He asked a couple more questions and I was waiting for him to ask something like "So how did an American girl and an English guy get together?" so I could spin him the tale that was forming in my mind about how we'd met this same week last year when we'd been here with our former partners and had declared our undying love for each other at the airport before flying home. Sadly he left without asking the question so he escaped being dragged into a bizarre fantasy world built around my evermore outrageous lies.
“Strike Two”
On Thursday I had booked Sam and I for a massage. We chose the deep tissue full body option, which Lynn told us she calls a 'Hurtin' Massage'. It was worth every penny and after 50 minutes of learning that we ached in places we didn't even know we had, we emerged with renewed energy to get our exhausted bodies through our final couple of days at the resort.
"Trip 4 and I Finally Got My First Mystery Bruise"
"Really? How Did You Get That?"
"Really? How Did You Get That?"
The weather was amazing most of the week with the sun the most brutal I think we have experienced there. Thursday started out just as hot but sadly it clouded over around lunchtime and that was the last we saw of the sun until we were getting ready to leave on Saturday morning. It was warm enough though to stay out at the pool and Friday started out the same… and then the torrential rain began. We retired to the hot tub which was soon overflowing into the pool, and sat in the rain, but an approaching thunder storm soon had us taking shelter in the archway through the 600 block. After spending a good 20 minutes or so there we eventually decided to make a run for it to the dinning room to eat. Naturally it stopped raining the moment we got there, and just to further poke fun at us all the food had by then been cleared away. So we headed over to the Scotch Bonnet where I sampled the curried goat and we remained there for the next couple of hours as the rain storms came and went.
"When a Gentleman Approaches his Young Lady from the Rear…”
We had our last dinner of the week with Lynn and Jay, Kathy and Scott, Don and Jeanne, and Doug and Kendra. We really missed Steve and Bobby Jo, who we had only really gotten to know well towards the end of the week, as they had left the day before. As usual nothing is 'normal' at Pastafari, and this being Fetish Night at the resort it was only natural that they should refuse to admit Jeanne until she put some clothes over the very pretty underwear she was wearing. The service was as haphazard as ever, water glasses are topped up with annoying regularity but heaven help you if you want your wine glass refilled. Repeated requests for more red wine were met with "I haven't forgotten you". Well if you haven't forgotten me why don't you bring me my wine? My carbonara starter didn't come, when I asked about it the waiter told me it would come as a side with my entree. When it still didn't come I asked him again and he went over to the kitchen area and seemed to lay down the law, ensuring that my dish was with me in a couple of minutes.
“It's Raining Women”
On our last night we found the nude side and the Quad hot tubs way too hot, so Sam and I, Jay and Lynn, and Don and Jeanne spent some time sitting around the little tiled table that is home to the post that holds up the volleyball net. A while later a very drunk woman suddenly and without warning fell into the pool and landed on Sam. I say fell, I really mean plunged. Seems that in her inebriation she had decided to step into the pool next to Sam and misjudged the step down to the seat we were sitting on. Sam then went off to the bathroom, and moments after she left another woman did exactly the same thing and plunged on top of me. I say plunged, I really mean plummeted…
Strike Three!!
From the nude pool the six of us eventually gravitated to the little glass bottomed hot tub by the disco where we ended up spending the rest of the night and eventually watched the sun come up. A little after dawn Don and Jeanne sadly had to leave us to finish packing before their 9am bus, leaving just Jay, Lynn, Sam and myself. So the vacation ended as it had started, in the company of our new friends.
GOODTIMES
