Post by Christinko on Dec 27, 2007 21:56:48 GMT -6
I just sent this email below to bunches of people on my email list. I have trouble emailing yahoo.com people (yahoo thinks I'm spam), so I'm publishing it here too.
Dear Hedo fans,
Having just returned from my stunning victory as "Miss Open Trench" (granted, I can't name one other contestant) during my trip at Hedo Nov. 7-21, I was pleasantly surprised by the abundance of hot water and beach towels and the adequate quality of the food.
Back to my victory speech: I'd like to thank Gordon for bringing the plastic caution tape with the wording "Caution Open Trench" so that I could wear my sash proudly as I begged for votes from the judges (fellow guests) day in and out by claiming my trench was deeper and wider than most. His other tape reading: "Protective Gear Necessary for Entry" inspired even Ewenice (our inflatable mascot sheep) to tighten her orifice.
New dress code:
Most startling this trip was the request from management to my friend and longtime guest Bob from California that he not wear a thong swimsuit to lunch and breakfast because of guest complaints.
Apparently, 20-year-old women are still permitted to wear such attire since their pert bottoms were in evidence during meals.
When I asked hotel manager Lorna Clarke about her new requirement, she said the hotel was trying to cater to the interests of younger people (Bob is 74). She also spoke of the distastefulness of another guest who walks around campus wearing tiny suits built to accommodate and enhance his impressive love unit (my words). She also mentioned that the dress code also better met sanitary needs.
Danger to toenails:
RastaBill toenail painting count: 62 men (just incredible) for the November trip. And his using polish that only showed after exposure to sunlight made the prank even more nefarious.
No more Hedobucks:
In late November, Hedo2 changed the Hedobucks system over to gold plastic coins (8 coins buys you a 750ml bottle of rum; 1 coin = 30,000 Hedo bucks). Apparently, too many people were making their own Hedobucks on copying machines (Did someone say RastaBill?). Reportedly, Appleton is now 40% (80 proof); it used to be 43% (86 proof).
Security:
The room safes (new last spring) are big & easy to use--no key, just make up a 4-digit code for entry. The safes, from Elsafe, have a 6x12-in. front door opening and are 16+ in. deep.
The room keys are still the magnetic key cards (size of a credit card), but the front desk doesn't always have the wrist coils for them anymore, so bring your own or a lanyard. The front desk still will punch a hole in the card for you. Mine didn't lose its magnetism for my entire two weeks--a new record?
I didn't hear any scary stories during my two weeks at Hedo in November, but some guests from December had room break-ins while they were sleeping in the rooms, which is scary. Remember to see if your window lock works and to use your deadbolt when in the room. Many of the chain locks don't work because they were installed backward.
Staff stuff at Hedo:
--Richard Bourke, the previous general manager of nearly 5 years, transferred to Starfish at Trelawny Sept. 1.
--Roberto Pelliccia, the GM at Grand Lido since Jan. 2007, expanded his job to also be the GM at Hedo 2 (More details below from my hour-long interview with him)
--Kevin Levee, general manager of Hedonism III since its opening in 1999, expanded his supervisory role to include sister property Breezes Runaway Bay.
--Donna Grant the 2nd in command at Hedo3 and Cheddy Parchment the GM of Breezes (both had been past resident managers at Hedo2) were fired Aug. 24 to cut costs and avoid duplication of duties.
--Cheryl Moore (in charge of the entertainment staff at Hedo2 almost 20 years ago) is back again as entertainment manager to lead the current ECs, who seem to be foundering.
--Chubby (Paul), who was in charge of the ECs, was fired many months ago and will not be back.
--Foxy (the EC, aka Sandra Bolton) is the wedding coordinator at Starfish and gossip had it that she and the Hedo2 EC Sarge are engaged. In what, we don't know. She visited Hedo in November, looking sophisticated with a sleek new do.
--Robert Kerr (of the Grill fame) visited Hedo2 in November and is living in MoBay with his wife and two children. He’d like folks to use him as a taxi service for MoBay runs. Please call him at 876-588-1100.
--Delano Miller, sales, left his position at Hedo2 for Breezes at the beginning of December. His replacement is Kenroy Calame.
--Paulette's (the bartender) daughter has cancer of the pancreas so she was at home caring for her in November.
--Niurka Garcia, the Hedo2 sales manager, has gone on to RIU resorts in Ocho Rios.
--Gary Williams, reportedly, is closely monitoring the progress of Roberto P as the new GM tries to bring Hedo's infrastructure and ambiance up to date.
--Ray-Ray may be more trouble than he's worth to Hedo2, so he likely won't be rehired as an EC as he had hoped (reports a guest as told by management); Ray-Ray works at Rick's café these days.
[/b]Booze News:
To figure out if you are drinking Red Stripe or Red Stripe Light, note the color of the tag on the keg--white tags are RS Lager; gray is RSL.
****YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE**************
I only have just under 300 print copies of the Hedo2 book left.
I'm not going back to press after they are sold.
I will then be making e-chapters of the book available, likely downloadable PDFs.
In other words, if you've been meaning to order a copy all these years
for yourself or for friends to help convince them to come play...now's the time.
See website link at end of this email.
****BACK TO REGULAR PROGRAMMING*******
News from new GM:
The new general manager, Roberto Pelliccia, is keeping his office at Grand Lido but will spend some time at Hedo2, especially when large groups are there. "He is not as much of a sit-down-and-party-with-you type of GM as Richard Bourke was," says long-time guest Doc Kelley from Buffalo, who thinks Pelliccia will get the job done at Hedo.
Pelliccia, age 44, whose family is living in Thailand, had previously been a hotel manager at a luxury resort on an island off Africa. He says his experience working closely with European guests and African staff corresponds well with his current work.
Pellicia, who speaks English with an Italian accent and often uses the word "synergy," says his biggest challenge is fixing the aging infrastructure of Hedo2 and believes that joining operations efforts with Grand Lido will be effective.
He also says he spends 75% of his time doing follow-up to make sure the work gets done. He pointed out that ch-ch-changes are slow at Hedo because, of all the SuperClubs’ hotel staffs, Hedo has the most long timers. (I had once been told by a staff member that working at Hedo was considered a good job because the guests complain less than at other hotels.)
He also is focusing on increasing the number of younger guests at Hedo because the average age of a Hedo2 guest is pushing 55, says Lorna Clarke, hotel manager. (A 1990s travel guide said the avg age at Hedo was 42; so we're getting older along with the hotel and not pulling younger people as before). He also wants to encourage visitors with only 2-7 repeat visits to come back more.
Although both Pelliccia and Clarke say they intend to have a presence around Hedo, I rarely saw them during my two weeks' visit in November. I went near daily to his Hedo office and saw his assistant (a nice, efficient woman) twice in two weeks. He graciously gave me an hour formal interview (with Lorna Clarke and Rochelle Forbes, who's in charge of PR).
Tale from the Naked City:
On my first Hedo trip, a bunch of us in the pool laughing found some imperative to leave the pool right away. I was helping all the ladies up and out, when a slender white ass was in my face accompanied by long hair, so I did what anyone would do: I goosed the ass. The ass's owner turned around, and I noticed the beard. I said: "Holy shit! This chick's got a beard."
Infrastructure ch-ch-changes:
--Don't be racing to the hot tub in the middle of the night without slowing down because the resort installed big black and yellow speed bumps on July 6. Evidently, some H2 vehicles were racing down the road to the nude pool.
--The trapeze came down last July because not enough guests were using it.
--The chillers to fix and enhance the A/C at Hedo, which is still not up to par in some rooms and has been causing unhappy guests since spring, hasn’t been installed yet because it's sitting somewhere far away.
--Eventually, the hotel intends to make all first-floor rooms--at least on the nude beach--into walk-out rooms with slider doors and patios. Not all will have hot tub spas though.
Tipping baggage handlers:
When you check in at Hedo you are greeted by various men, such as Michael or Tony. Michael is a staff member of Hedo. Tony works for Sunholiday, the bus company, and has a permanent assignment at Hedo2. Does that mean we can tip Tony with no problem for hefting our bags but not Michael?
Staying in Negril?
Check out www.onestopva.com , a little travel agency run by a Canadian couple, Bob & Susan, who used to live in Negril. Their website has info on all sorts of the smaller places in Negril (beach and cliffs) and they have good specials. They usually charge less than the rack rates at the hotels. They also offer coupons to various restaurants and can have someone pick you up at the airport if you don't want to bother with SuperClubs.
Porno ops:
The room TVs have audio/video inputs for portable video players to show pornos in the room during parties. Look for RCA female plugs both front and back. Be sure your cords are at least 6 feet long to reach the plugs.
Beware June dates:
The June 2007 weeklong complete takeover of Hedo2 by ABC radio resulted in at least 40 pre-booked guests being booted and offered transfers to Hedo 3 or Lido, or a full refund or ability to reschedule. The ABC Group was mostly vanilla/prude people into hip hop. The group was doing live radio broadcasts to 22 U.S. cities while on site.... you can't beat that kind of exposure if you're Superclubs. Reportedly, the group has already booked to return to Hedo2 next June.
January lifestyle weeks:
Hedo2 still markets the whole month of January as a lifestyle month but the resort reportedly has scaled back to just book 200 rooms for the middle two weeks. Desire is real competition, said then-GM Richard Bourke to a guest last July.
Hedo2 versus Hedo3:
The VPs used to not care if you booked Hedo2 or Hedo3, but there's more competition between the two resorts now that Superclubs changed its management structure. Used to be that the same VP was in charge of both Hedos, but now all the resorts are divided by region instead.
In 2003, Hedo3 was $20 more per person per night than Hedo2. Then for two years the resorts were priced the same. Now, Hedo 3 is $10 pp per night cheaper. Some gossip occurs of Hedo3 going to couples-only to compete better with Desire.
No more nude beach photos:
Since last spring, guests have been signing a waiver to promise not to take photos on the nude side. This waiver came about because one jerk lurked in the bushes and took pictures of people on a cell phone and posted them on the Internet. Last July then-GM Richard Bourke told a guest he's not worried about people taking pictures of their friends on the nude beach. But he doesn't want people lurking around taking pictures of people without their permission.
Tales from the Naked City:
Two years ago a guest named Doug brought tap handles, such as Budweiser, Pabst, Strohs and one for Labatt's Blue, from the USA and installed them on the beer taps around the hotel. Canadian friends saw the tap handle for LaBatt's and ordered it from Delroy & Scumba (who were in on the joke) and exclaimed, "Now THAT's beer!" as they sipped their Red Stripe.
New name:
The smoking zone in front of the piano bar is known to some guests as the "flight lounge."
Night pass ch-ch-changes:
Starting around May 1, 2007, policy is rumored to have changed so that some facilities (such as the nude hot tub) are now closed to Night Pass visitors. This notice is part of what the night pass visitor must sign when entering Hedo2.
Flashing fun:
One day a helicopter was making low passes over the nude beach so the Shagettes and their friends of ill repute spelled out the word "HI" using their naked bodies. The Seahag (Shag#1), wearing nothing but an orange safety vest, tried to wave the same helicopter in for a landing during another pass.
Jamaican joke:
A lady goes on vacation to Jamaica and meets a lovely Jamaican man. After a night of passionate love making she asks him, "What is your name?"
"I can't tell you," the man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same: he can't tell her.
On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"
I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me," says the man.
"There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.
"Fine, my name is Snow!" the man replies. The lady bursts into laughter, the Jamaican gets mad and says, "I knew you would make fun of it."
The lady replied, "I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of my friends who won't believe me when I tell them that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica!"
GPS Coordinates for Nude Pool:
N18 20 16.86 W78 20 33.31 (Enter into Google and Click Google Maps); Google Earth settings: "H2" lat=18.3382663725, lon=-78.3424743337
Donations of gifts and cash for Jamaican Children Fund:
www.vals-pals.com/JCF%20site/JCF/JCFhome.html
More Famous Hedo Lines: (donated by Rob & Mollie from San Diego, Calif.)
--From a Hedo lover: "I just love this place! It's the only place where a freak like me seems normal."
--From a husband whose wife wanted one more hit for the road as they were leaving and feared that the smell might alert customs: "For goodness sake.......if my wife smokes, make sure she is naked."
--From a woman inquiring in the main dining room: "When you saw me yesterday in the cooling pool did I have my bottoms on?"
--From a woman during a female group grope in the nude pool: "OK.....Who's in me now?"
--From a naive young girl from the state of Washington: "Would you like to try some pot I smuggled into Jamaica?"
--From a drunk, naked young lady stumbling down the path leaving the nude pool: "I don't know if this is the top or bottom to my bathing suit and I don't know how to put it on."
--After attending a friend's wedding reception in the piano bar: "This is the first time I've ever been to a wedding reception where the bride threw her dress instead of her garter or bouquet."
Hedo hint from skanky hedo ho Shagette#2:
If it looks like rain, watch the Jamaicans' boats. If they cover themselves with tarps and hunker down, you can expect a short rain. If they hightail it, beat it off the beach or position yourself well under Delroy's with a towel. A big rain is coming.
Which falls to visit?
YS and Mayfield falls are both beautiful. YS falls is steeper and just added more stairs so now you can go higher into the falls. Mayfield is gradual and you walk up the whole thing in the falls. YS is closer to Appleton Estate and closes at 4 p.m. YS has a rope swing and tubing. A 1 1/2-hour drive with a detailed cultural tour from the bus driver takes you to Mayfield, which is in the mountains and less commercial.
I gave Mayfield Falls a visit this trip. Just gorgeous and well worth the adventure, beauty, and cultural side notes ($85 includes a great lunch; $3 to rent shoes). Note to self: You are too creaky to climb through freezing, rushing water over rocks you can’t see. A 94-year-old woman (that’s my story) and I had trouble—she was almost 5 feet tall—but everyone else managed to whoop-whoop their way through with great aplomb and exuberant grins. The guides were my heroes and saved my life no doubt repeatedly by hauling my wimpy carcass up the falls.
Airport smoking/beer updates:
When arriving into Sangster, you can go outside and smoke or buy a beer ($3 outside is cheaper than inside beers), but make sure you bring your passport so you can reenter the building and tell the baggage guy so the bus doesn’t leave without you.
When departing Sangster in MoBay, you have access to two smoking lounges. One, in the newer terminal is near Gate 10 but you have to buy a drink to have a smoke. The older one is up the stairs from the duty-free shops and to the right.
The Legend of Hedo Larry
Michael Franklin, of Crestview, Fla., tells this H3 tale from July:
I first caught sight of Larry perched on the side of the hot tub basking in the sun like a wayward mermaid. Weighing a buck 50, he was a tall, skinny guy with a quiet, shy nature. The copious amounts of alcohol I had consumed did nothing to distort the fact that Larry had one of the biggest d*cks I have ever seen in my life. Scary big. Poke your ****ing eye out big.
The conversation among our small drunken group turned to the monstrosity before us. Larry's wife soon looked over at us in curiosity as my wife stretched her mouth with her fingers to figure out how his wife fit the monster into her mouth.
The next day, my drink in hand, I saw Larry again sitting on the side of the hot tub. His wife looked over, winked, and demonstrated that her mouth was, indeed, made of silly putty as it stretches in amazing ways. Giggling, we kept drink and watching.
Grabbing my drink, I waded over to Larry. "Hi Larry," I offered. "Um, hi," he said. His wife cut her eyes up at me but didn’t slow down. "So, are you having a good time?" I asked. "Yes, so far," he said, slowly drawing out his words while giving me a strange look. I asked, "So, what has been your favorite thing you have done so far?" My group was laughing.
Larry started to answer, but I interrupted him, "Look, here’s the deal, we don't all have pony-sized dicks, and you are making the rest of us look bad." Larry smiled. I continued, "I am here to talk to you and mess up your concentration so that you will lose your erection."
Larry grinned and said, "I don't need to concentrate, mon." I think his wife smiled, but with half her face blotted out like a solar eclipse, it was hard to tell. I slinked back to my group.
The next day my gang wrote a song to dedicate to Larry’s prodigious pride and to sing in the piano bar. Larry nearly disappeared into his chair as I started to sing. His wife was bent over in her chair laughing. The event was so moving, I almost cried.
Sung to Mac Davis’ "Lord, It's Hard To Be Humble"
------------
Chorus
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
When you're perfect in every way
I can't wait to look in the mirror
Cause my dick just looks bigger each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man
Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble
But I'm doing the best that I can
--Verse --
I've had a lot of girlfriends
I guess they just couldn't compete
With this giant anaconda
I've got swinging down to my feet
I wouldn't want to find me another
When I've met the love of my life
She must be quite a woman
To ride this bologna-express every night
-Chorus-
I guess you could say I'm a loner
But I carry 'round quite a load
Even though I live in Atlanta
My penis has its own zip code
Some folks think that I'm egotistical
Hell, I don't even know what that means
I guess it has something to do with
The way I fill out my skin tight blue jeans.
-Chorus-
The bar crowd erupted into screams of laughter and cheers. Larry was legend. I had several firsts that night. I sang in public, I sang to a man, and I sang a song about his penis. Never say never.
Best wishes for a fun and healthy 2008,
Chris Santilli
The Naked Truth About Hedonism II
—384 pages of laughs, unreal photos, and amazing tales
The Naked Truth About Cap d’Agde
—192 pages of how to make the most of this celebrated naked city in Southern France
Scarlett, Oh! Publishing
www.wordcrafting.com
Dear Hedo fans,
Having just returned from my stunning victory as "Miss Open Trench" (granted, I can't name one other contestant) during my trip at Hedo Nov. 7-21, I was pleasantly surprised by the abundance of hot water and beach towels and the adequate quality of the food.
Back to my victory speech: I'd like to thank Gordon for bringing the plastic caution tape with the wording "Caution Open Trench" so that I could wear my sash proudly as I begged for votes from the judges (fellow guests) day in and out by claiming my trench was deeper and wider than most. His other tape reading: "Protective Gear Necessary for Entry" inspired even Ewenice (our inflatable mascot sheep) to tighten her orifice.
New dress code:
Most startling this trip was the request from management to my friend and longtime guest Bob from California that he not wear a thong swimsuit to lunch and breakfast because of guest complaints.
Apparently, 20-year-old women are still permitted to wear such attire since their pert bottoms were in evidence during meals.
When I asked hotel manager Lorna Clarke about her new requirement, she said the hotel was trying to cater to the interests of younger people (Bob is 74). She also spoke of the distastefulness of another guest who walks around campus wearing tiny suits built to accommodate and enhance his impressive love unit (my words). She also mentioned that the dress code also better met sanitary needs.
Danger to toenails:
RastaBill toenail painting count: 62 men (just incredible) for the November trip. And his using polish that only showed after exposure to sunlight made the prank even more nefarious.
No more Hedobucks:
In late November, Hedo2 changed the Hedobucks system over to gold plastic coins (8 coins buys you a 750ml bottle of rum; 1 coin = 30,000 Hedo bucks). Apparently, too many people were making their own Hedobucks on copying machines (Did someone say RastaBill?). Reportedly, Appleton is now 40% (80 proof); it used to be 43% (86 proof).
Security:
The room safes (new last spring) are big & easy to use--no key, just make up a 4-digit code for entry. The safes, from Elsafe, have a 6x12-in. front door opening and are 16+ in. deep.
The room keys are still the magnetic key cards (size of a credit card), but the front desk doesn't always have the wrist coils for them anymore, so bring your own or a lanyard. The front desk still will punch a hole in the card for you. Mine didn't lose its magnetism for my entire two weeks--a new record?
I didn't hear any scary stories during my two weeks at Hedo in November, but some guests from December had room break-ins while they were sleeping in the rooms, which is scary. Remember to see if your window lock works and to use your deadbolt when in the room. Many of the chain locks don't work because they were installed backward.
Staff stuff at Hedo:
--Richard Bourke, the previous general manager of nearly 5 years, transferred to Starfish at Trelawny Sept. 1.
--Roberto Pelliccia, the GM at Grand Lido since Jan. 2007, expanded his job to also be the GM at Hedo 2 (More details below from my hour-long interview with him)
--Kevin Levee, general manager of Hedonism III since its opening in 1999, expanded his supervisory role to include sister property Breezes Runaway Bay.
--Donna Grant the 2nd in command at Hedo3 and Cheddy Parchment the GM of Breezes (both had been past resident managers at Hedo2) were fired Aug. 24 to cut costs and avoid duplication of duties.
--Cheryl Moore (in charge of the entertainment staff at Hedo2 almost 20 years ago) is back again as entertainment manager to lead the current ECs, who seem to be foundering.
--Chubby (Paul), who was in charge of the ECs, was fired many months ago and will not be back.
--Foxy (the EC, aka Sandra Bolton) is the wedding coordinator at Starfish and gossip had it that she and the Hedo2 EC Sarge are engaged. In what, we don't know. She visited Hedo in November, looking sophisticated with a sleek new do.
--Robert Kerr (of the Grill fame) visited Hedo2 in November and is living in MoBay with his wife and two children. He’d like folks to use him as a taxi service for MoBay runs. Please call him at 876-588-1100.
--Delano Miller, sales, left his position at Hedo2 for Breezes at the beginning of December. His replacement is Kenroy Calame.
--Paulette's (the bartender) daughter has cancer of the pancreas so she was at home caring for her in November.
--Niurka Garcia, the Hedo2 sales manager, has gone on to RIU resorts in Ocho Rios.
--Gary Williams, reportedly, is closely monitoring the progress of Roberto P as the new GM tries to bring Hedo's infrastructure and ambiance up to date.
--Ray-Ray may be more trouble than he's worth to Hedo2, so he likely won't be rehired as an EC as he had hoped (reports a guest as told by management); Ray-Ray works at Rick's café these days.
[/b]Booze News:
To figure out if you are drinking Red Stripe or Red Stripe Light, note the color of the tag on the keg--white tags are RS Lager; gray is RSL.
****YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE**************
I only have just under 300 print copies of the Hedo2 book left.
I'm not going back to press after they are sold.
I will then be making e-chapters of the book available, likely downloadable PDFs.
In other words, if you've been meaning to order a copy all these years
for yourself or for friends to help convince them to come play...now's the time.
See website link at end of this email.
****BACK TO REGULAR PROGRAMMING*******
News from new GM:
The new general manager, Roberto Pelliccia, is keeping his office at Grand Lido but will spend some time at Hedo2, especially when large groups are there. "He is not as much of a sit-down-and-party-with-you type of GM as Richard Bourke was," says long-time guest Doc Kelley from Buffalo, who thinks Pelliccia will get the job done at Hedo.
Pelliccia, age 44, whose family is living in Thailand, had previously been a hotel manager at a luxury resort on an island off Africa. He says his experience working closely with European guests and African staff corresponds well with his current work.
Pellicia, who speaks English with an Italian accent and often uses the word "synergy," says his biggest challenge is fixing the aging infrastructure of Hedo2 and believes that joining operations efforts with Grand Lido will be effective.
He also says he spends 75% of his time doing follow-up to make sure the work gets done. He pointed out that ch-ch-changes are slow at Hedo because, of all the SuperClubs’ hotel staffs, Hedo has the most long timers. (I had once been told by a staff member that working at Hedo was considered a good job because the guests complain less than at other hotels.)
He also is focusing on increasing the number of younger guests at Hedo because the average age of a Hedo2 guest is pushing 55, says Lorna Clarke, hotel manager. (A 1990s travel guide said the avg age at Hedo was 42; so we're getting older along with the hotel and not pulling younger people as before). He also wants to encourage visitors with only 2-7 repeat visits to come back more.
Although both Pelliccia and Clarke say they intend to have a presence around Hedo, I rarely saw them during my two weeks' visit in November. I went near daily to his Hedo office and saw his assistant (a nice, efficient woman) twice in two weeks. He graciously gave me an hour formal interview (with Lorna Clarke and Rochelle Forbes, who's in charge of PR).
Tale from the Naked City:
On my first Hedo trip, a bunch of us in the pool laughing found some imperative to leave the pool right away. I was helping all the ladies up and out, when a slender white ass was in my face accompanied by long hair, so I did what anyone would do: I goosed the ass. The ass's owner turned around, and I noticed the beard. I said: "Holy shit! This chick's got a beard."
--Boston Mike, who won first place at PJ night for his box
containing a rare albino Irish wild python
containing a rare albino Irish wild python
Infrastructure ch-ch-changes:
--Don't be racing to the hot tub in the middle of the night without slowing down because the resort installed big black and yellow speed bumps on July 6. Evidently, some H2 vehicles were racing down the road to the nude pool.
--The trapeze came down last July because not enough guests were using it.
--The chillers to fix and enhance the A/C at Hedo, which is still not up to par in some rooms and has been causing unhappy guests since spring, hasn’t been installed yet because it's sitting somewhere far away.
--Eventually, the hotel intends to make all first-floor rooms--at least on the nude beach--into walk-out rooms with slider doors and patios. Not all will have hot tub spas though.
Tipping baggage handlers:
When you check in at Hedo you are greeted by various men, such as Michael or Tony. Michael is a staff member of Hedo. Tony works for Sunholiday, the bus company, and has a permanent assignment at Hedo2. Does that mean we can tip Tony with no problem for hefting our bags but not Michael?
Staying in Negril?
Check out www.onestopva.com , a little travel agency run by a Canadian couple, Bob & Susan, who used to live in Negril. Their website has info on all sorts of the smaller places in Negril (beach and cliffs) and they have good specials. They usually charge less than the rack rates at the hotels. They also offer coupons to various restaurants and can have someone pick you up at the airport if you don't want to bother with SuperClubs.
Porno ops:
The room TVs have audio/video inputs for portable video players to show pornos in the room during parties. Look for RCA female plugs both front and back. Be sure your cords are at least 6 feet long to reach the plugs.
Beware June dates:
The June 2007 weeklong complete takeover of Hedo2 by ABC radio resulted in at least 40 pre-booked guests being booted and offered transfers to Hedo 3 or Lido, or a full refund or ability to reschedule. The ABC Group was mostly vanilla/prude people into hip hop. The group was doing live radio broadcasts to 22 U.S. cities while on site.... you can't beat that kind of exposure if you're Superclubs. Reportedly, the group has already booked to return to Hedo2 next June.
January lifestyle weeks:
Hedo2 still markets the whole month of January as a lifestyle month but the resort reportedly has scaled back to just book 200 rooms for the middle two weeks. Desire is real competition, said then-GM Richard Bourke to a guest last July.
Hedo2 versus Hedo3:
The VPs used to not care if you booked Hedo2 or Hedo3, but there's more competition between the two resorts now that Superclubs changed its management structure. Used to be that the same VP was in charge of both Hedos, but now all the resorts are divided by region instead.
In 2003, Hedo3 was $20 more per person per night than Hedo2. Then for two years the resorts were priced the same. Now, Hedo 3 is $10 pp per night cheaper. Some gossip occurs of Hedo3 going to couples-only to compete better with Desire.
No more nude beach photos:
Since last spring, guests have been signing a waiver to promise not to take photos on the nude side. This waiver came about because one jerk lurked in the bushes and took pictures of people on a cell phone and posted them on the Internet. Last July then-GM Richard Bourke told a guest he's not worried about people taking pictures of their friends on the nude beach. But he doesn't want people lurking around taking pictures of people without their permission.
Tales from the Naked City:
Two years ago a guest named Doug brought tap handles, such as Budweiser, Pabst, Strohs and one for Labatt's Blue, from the USA and installed them on the beer taps around the hotel. Canadian friends saw the tap handle for LaBatt's and ordered it from Delroy & Scumba (who were in on the joke) and exclaimed, "Now THAT's beer!" as they sipped their Red Stripe.
New name:
The smoking zone in front of the piano bar is known to some guests as the "flight lounge."
Night pass ch-ch-changes:
Starting around May 1, 2007, policy is rumored to have changed so that some facilities (such as the nude hot tub) are now closed to Night Pass visitors. This notice is part of what the night pass visitor must sign when entering Hedo2.
Flashing fun:
One day a helicopter was making low passes over the nude beach so the Shagettes and their friends of ill repute spelled out the word "HI" using their naked bodies. The Seahag (Shag#1), wearing nothing but an orange safety vest, tried to wave the same helicopter in for a landing during another pass.
Jamaican joke:
A lady goes on vacation to Jamaica and meets a lovely Jamaican man. After a night of passionate love making she asks him, "What is your name?"
"I can't tell you," the man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same: he can't tell her.
On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"
I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me," says the man.
"There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.
"Fine, my name is Snow!" the man replies. The lady bursts into laughter, the Jamaican gets mad and says, "I knew you would make fun of it."
The lady replied, "I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of my friends who won't believe me when I tell them that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica!"
GPS Coordinates for Nude Pool:
N18 20 16.86 W78 20 33.31 (Enter into Google and Click Google Maps); Google Earth settings: "H2" lat=18.3382663725, lon=-78.3424743337
Donations of gifts and cash for Jamaican Children Fund:
www.vals-pals.com/JCF%20site/JCF/JCFhome.html
More Famous Hedo Lines: (donated by Rob & Mollie from San Diego, Calif.)
--From a Hedo lover: "I just love this place! It's the only place where a freak like me seems normal."
--From a husband whose wife wanted one more hit for the road as they were leaving and feared that the smell might alert customs: "For goodness sake.......if my wife smokes, make sure she is naked."
--From a woman inquiring in the main dining room: "When you saw me yesterday in the cooling pool did I have my bottoms on?"
--From a woman during a female group grope in the nude pool: "OK.....Who's in me now?"
--From a naive young girl from the state of Washington: "Would you like to try some pot I smuggled into Jamaica?"
--From a drunk, naked young lady stumbling down the path leaving the nude pool: "I don't know if this is the top or bottom to my bathing suit and I don't know how to put it on."
--After attending a friend's wedding reception in the piano bar: "This is the first time I've ever been to a wedding reception where the bride threw her dress instead of her garter or bouquet."
Hedo hint from skanky hedo ho Shagette#2:
If it looks like rain, watch the Jamaicans' boats. If they cover themselves with tarps and hunker down, you can expect a short rain. If they hightail it, beat it off the beach or position yourself well under Delroy's with a towel. A big rain is coming.
Which falls to visit?
YS and Mayfield falls are both beautiful. YS falls is steeper and just added more stairs so now you can go higher into the falls. Mayfield is gradual and you walk up the whole thing in the falls. YS is closer to Appleton Estate and closes at 4 p.m. YS has a rope swing and tubing. A 1 1/2-hour drive with a detailed cultural tour from the bus driver takes you to Mayfield, which is in the mountains and less commercial.
I gave Mayfield Falls a visit this trip. Just gorgeous and well worth the adventure, beauty, and cultural side notes ($85 includes a great lunch; $3 to rent shoes). Note to self: You are too creaky to climb through freezing, rushing water over rocks you can’t see. A 94-year-old woman (that’s my story) and I had trouble—she was almost 5 feet tall—but everyone else managed to whoop-whoop their way through with great aplomb and exuberant grins. The guides were my heroes and saved my life no doubt repeatedly by hauling my wimpy carcass up the falls.
Airport smoking/beer updates:
When arriving into Sangster, you can go outside and smoke or buy a beer ($3 outside is cheaper than inside beers), but make sure you bring your passport so you can reenter the building and tell the baggage guy so the bus doesn’t leave without you.
When departing Sangster in MoBay, you have access to two smoking lounges. One, in the newer terminal is near Gate 10 but you have to buy a drink to have a smoke. The older one is up the stairs from the duty-free shops and to the right.
The Legend of Hedo Larry
Michael Franklin, of Crestview, Fla., tells this H3 tale from July:
I first caught sight of Larry perched on the side of the hot tub basking in the sun like a wayward mermaid. Weighing a buck 50, he was a tall, skinny guy with a quiet, shy nature. The copious amounts of alcohol I had consumed did nothing to distort the fact that Larry had one of the biggest d*cks I have ever seen in my life. Scary big. Poke your ****ing eye out big.
The conversation among our small drunken group turned to the monstrosity before us. Larry's wife soon looked over at us in curiosity as my wife stretched her mouth with her fingers to figure out how his wife fit the monster into her mouth.
The next day, my drink in hand, I saw Larry again sitting on the side of the hot tub. His wife looked over, winked, and demonstrated that her mouth was, indeed, made of silly putty as it stretches in amazing ways. Giggling, we kept drink and watching.
Grabbing my drink, I waded over to Larry. "Hi Larry," I offered. "Um, hi," he said. His wife cut her eyes up at me but didn’t slow down. "So, are you having a good time?" I asked. "Yes, so far," he said, slowly drawing out his words while giving me a strange look. I asked, "So, what has been your favorite thing you have done so far?" My group was laughing.
Larry started to answer, but I interrupted him, "Look, here’s the deal, we don't all have pony-sized dicks, and you are making the rest of us look bad." Larry smiled. I continued, "I am here to talk to you and mess up your concentration so that you will lose your erection."
Larry grinned and said, "I don't need to concentrate, mon." I think his wife smiled, but with half her face blotted out like a solar eclipse, it was hard to tell. I slinked back to my group.
The next day my gang wrote a song to dedicate to Larry’s prodigious pride and to sing in the piano bar. Larry nearly disappeared into his chair as I started to sing. His wife was bent over in her chair laughing. The event was so moving, I almost cried.
Sung to Mac Davis’ "Lord, It's Hard To Be Humble"
------------
Chorus
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
When you're perfect in every way
I can't wait to look in the mirror
Cause my dick just looks bigger each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man
Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble
But I'm doing the best that I can
--Verse --
I've had a lot of girlfriends
I guess they just couldn't compete
With this giant anaconda
I've got swinging down to my feet
I wouldn't want to find me another
When I've met the love of my life
She must be quite a woman
To ride this bologna-express every night
-Chorus-
I guess you could say I'm a loner
But I carry 'round quite a load
Even though I live in Atlanta
My penis has its own zip code
Some folks think that I'm egotistical
Hell, I don't even know what that means
I guess it has something to do with
The way I fill out my skin tight blue jeans.
-Chorus-
The bar crowd erupted into screams of laughter and cheers. Larry was legend. I had several firsts that night. I sang in public, I sang to a man, and I sang a song about his penis. Never say never.
Best wishes for a fun and healthy 2008,
Chris Santilli
The Naked Truth About Hedonism II
—384 pages of laughs, unreal photos, and amazing tales
The Naked Truth About Cap d’Agde
—192 pages of how to make the most of this celebrated naked city in Southern France
Scarlett, Oh! Publishing
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