Holiday Giving Ideas for 2011

[Ardbeg... innit]

Its getting close to that time of the year where you have to open up the wallet and shell out the denarios to satisfy those people who really dont deserve your attention, but the hassle that would result from ignoring them is more of a pain than doing some online shopping.

Here is my first recommendation, for the traveler in the family...

The Biffy Squirt
Availability: In stock.
$59.95



The Biffy Squirt is the most convenient alternative for people who are traveling and don't have access to a genuine Biffy Bidet. The Biffy Squirt travel bidet is easy to use, operates on 1 AA battery, comes with 3 different spray nozzles, and holds almost a cup of water. Simply, open the unit and fill the reservoir with water, extend the spray nozzle and press the button to feel a fresh spray of water. We feel this is the perfect travel companion.

-Compact
-Soft push button
-Warm Water Washing
-Resistant to chemicals and cleaning agents
-Two washing nozzles for posterior and Anterior washing
-Simple Operation
-Operated by 1 AA alkaline batteries (included)
-Easy to carry in the smallest of travel bags.
-Convenient in public restrooms
-Uses tap water in desired temperature
** Ideal for a Perfect "gift" as it comes in "designer box."

Review by romok45
Rating: 4.5/5
One of the best gadgets ever invented, thanks Doc!.
We have had our two Biffies for four years and they functioned flawlesly until about six months ago both mounting arms cracked at the mounting end where it is screwed

[♥ COVID-19♥]

This would be great at Hedo for those water gun fights.

[New Mama]

I really kind of liked this until I saw the price! $59.95 for a hand held plastic thingy.

[♥ COVID-19♥]

What're you, some kind of Size Queen?

[New Mama]

Well, you got the queen part right.

[♥ COVID-19♥]

We have had our two Biffies for four years and they functioned flawlesly until about six months ago both mounting arms cracked at the mounting end where it is screwed

Some sage advice here:

Whatever you do, don't mount your Biffy.

[Ardbeg... innit]

I dont see that there is anything you can do with this that couldnt be done with a Waterpik

[Ardbeg... innit]

...then again, I believe that this is cheaper than a Waterpik, so could be used instead for cleaning between your teeth.

[♥ COVID-19♥]

We feel this is the perfect travel companion.

Especially if you can't afford a hooker when you're on the road.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Everything appears to be bigger in Texas. Here is a gift idea for that special someone (they better be special for this price) with "eclectic" interior or exterior design ideas.

I will take it for the one gallon of "Cow Wow"

Link

The 6 foot tall Rick Perry Chia Pet
$4,500 (estimate) EBay



The bust was initially used by Dairy Waste Management, a company which manufactures Cow Wow, a liquid fertilizer made from dairy cow manure without the manure odor. Last year they commissioned busts of Perry and Bill White, former mayor of Houston and Perry’s opponent in the 2010 gubernatorial election. The “hair” of each candidate was ivy, and voters were asked to vote for their favorite hair (www.votecowwow.com). Nobody had to split hairs in that race – Bill White won by a landslide. Ivy can certainly level a playing scalp.

At last year’s ACL Festival in Austin, Rick’s larger-than-life head entertained thousands of concert-goers who kissed his cheeks, picked his nose and admired his ivy.

The shrewd buyer of this iconic planter can plop it in the front yard, proud to show a growing support for the presidential candidate. Or head ‘em up, move ‘em out and circle the Capitol with Rick and his colorful locks in the back of a pickup.

Hmmm, Rick recently stated at a Tea Party debate that he would be offended if somebody thought he could be bought for $5,000. He obviously hasn’t evaluated his worth as a gigantic planter. You can secure this bad boy for only $4,500.

This one-of-a-kind marvel can be picked up in Blanco, Texas. Bill White’s head is also for sale, if anybody is interested.

Plants are not included. A gallon of Cow Wow is."

[Tex]

We drove through Blanco on Sunday. Should have snapped up that fine statuary for the front gate. The neighbors would love us for it.

[Ardbeg... innit]

This could be a gift certificate moment, but for the gun lover in your house...

Go out with a bang

Alabama Company Puts Human Ashes Into Ammunition

An Alabama company has come up with a way for avid hunters to go out with a bang when they die. The cremated ashes of loved ones can now be loaded into shotgun shells and rifle and pistol cartridges.

Holy Smoke LLC, created by state conservation officers Thad Holmes and Clem Parnell, launched in July and recently shipped its first two orders, according to The Montgomery Advertiser.

“This isn’t a joke. It’s a job that we take very seriously,” Parnell told the paper. “This is a reverent business. We take the utmost care in what we do and show the greatest respect for the remains.”

One pound of ash can be loaded into 250 shotgun shells for $850. The company also does pistol and rifle rounds. The process takes about 48 hours after the company receives the ashes. Any remaining ashes are shipped back to the customer with the ammo.

“You can take your loved one on one last hunting trip or one last trip to the range,” Holmes said. “Some people have been concerned that a small amount of ash will remain in the animal that is shot with the ammunition. But it’s just carbon, and a small amount at that. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

The two men came up with the idea on a hunting trip several years ago when they were discussing how they would want to be buried.

“I would rest in peace knowing the last thing I did was to go screaming at that turkey at 900 feet per second,” Parnell said.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Nothing says Christmas like the family Christmas card, and now we all know why its called the North Pole... bloody fingerprints and all.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Got an entrepeneur in the family? and you yourself are a bit short on investment monies? Here is a great app that you can get that favorite relative...

Get a CLOO'? App will rent your bathroom to strangers

When you have to go, you have to go.

That's the basic philosophy behind the smartphone app CLOO', which wants urban dwellers to open their private bathrooms to strangers desperately seeking a toilet.

CLOO', short for community plus loo (plus an apostrophe mark to represent a GPS marker), aims to create a network of "member loos" from trusting, sympathetic people who will trade a few minutes in their personal facilities "for the cost of a latte," the company boasts on its website.

"Here's how we save those nice pants of yours," the website said. "CLOO' is a community of registered users who choose to share their bathrooms and make city-living easier, while earning a small profit."

Just open the app to see "hosts" in your area, then message a likely prospect. If they are home and feeling up to welcoming a stranger, you can race over and make full use of their john.

The app makes a nominal nod toward safety by showing any mutual friends you and the potential "host" may have on social networks such as Twitter and Facebook, "turning a stranger's loo into a friend of a friend's loo," the company cheerfully predicts. The app will also include a system for rating member toilets.

The company suggests that "brand partnerships" with toilet paper manufacturers may also shower free products on hosts.

CLOO' co-founders Hillary Young and Deanna McDonald told a blog on tech site CNET that the team is gearing up for a launch in New York early next year -- first on Apple iOS platforms and then possibly on Android devices.

[Chicago Jake]

There are plenty of Android apps for finding (and rating) public toilets. Sort of like Yelp! but strictly for restrooms.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Dont suppress the entrepreneurial spirit Jake, I bet that remodeled bathroom of yours would go out for a pretty high price, just be sure to leave a small bottle of water available for the clients, Im sure it will garner a lot of positive responses.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Well, its too late if you didnt jump on these, but for some SuperSanta's congratulations, you nailed this years best gift givng prize...

Crib notes: Crotchless thongs for kids? Say it isn't so

Crotchless panties for kids? Nooo!!! Alas, it is so. Or, it was, before one mom armed with a video phone took the offensive garment (or lack thereof) to the media. A store named Kids N Teen in Colorado was caught selling crotchless thongs of all things, in sizes fit for little girls. While the store did pull the thongs from their store, they also defended the decision to have them there by saying they also cater towards teens (oh, well in that case...). It almost has us looking back nostalgically on the innocence of last spring when we all thought a push-up bikini top for seven-year-olds was scandalous.

[innit Geezer]

Sandusky is interested in supplying models.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Its getting late, but there is still time for the ladies out there to get the guy in their life genuine Derek Jeter autographed memorabilia

Sitting down with Barbara Walters for her "10 Most Fascinating People of 2011" special, Derek Jeter talked about his experiences with racism growing up as a person with a black father and a white mother.

"You'd go places and you'd get stares, you know, if you're just with one of your parents," he told Walters. "People always give you sort of a double take, because something just didn't seem right."

Jeter said it taught him how he "didn't want to be" and how he needed to learn about different people "as opposed to just judging them."

What Jeter didn't discuss in the teaser clip with Walters was a fascinating New York Post story alleging he sends his one-night stands home with a gift basket full of autographed swag — or, in the case of one woman's repeat performance, baskets, plural, because he forgot he'd given her one the first time around.

Jeter and girlfriend Minka Kelly, who rode the New York Yankees' World Series celebration float together in 2009 and were often rumored to be engaged, had an "amicable" breakup this summer after dating for three years. According to the Post, he's been playing the field since then.

An unnamed friend said Jeter, who prefers privacy, typically has lady friends over to his place, rather than taking them out, and then calls a car for them the next morning. "Waiting in his car is a gift basket containing signed Jeter memorabilia, usually a signed baseball," the friend said.

[innit Geezer]

That seems insulting, no? But it's most likely more than coach Sandusky ever gave.

[♥ COVID-19♥]

I don't know about insulting -- she can put that stuff up on eBay and make a mint.

[Exildo Wonsetler Briggs III]

I wonder what his used condoms go for??

[♥ COVID-19♥]

I'm guessing you'd need a black AMEX Card for those.

[Ardbeg... innit]

Once again bringing race into the Derek Jeter conversation

[♥ COVID-19♥]

The Circle Of Life

[Ardbeg... innit]

When he invites Sandusky over for the evening, The Circle Jerk of Life

[♥ COVID-19♥]

Notice how none of us are acknowledging the fact that Dr Bob wants to buy one of DJ's used condoms? We run a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" message board here, yessir we do...

[Ardbeg... innit]

Well, I didnt want to spoil the day by hinting that I already had that covered... except I sent one of my own.

[innit Geezer]

Dec 19, 2011 16:23:38 GMT -6 Exildo Wonsetler Briggs III said:

I wonder what his used condoms go for??

Full of fresh D.N.A. ~~~priceless! Dried out after a night on the nightstand, it's ebay material!

[Tex]

When you wake up, get out of bed, and step on a few quishy condoms and can't remember how they got there, you probably drank too much.